Tag Archives: relationship

Am I A Loser: My Journey Feeling lost



Hey there, it’s me, just an average person with an overwhelming sense of brokenness and loss. I have been a mess lately. Have you ever felt like holding you so tightly that you feel suffocated ????Have you ever seen as a Loser

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Loser Lost in chaos

Today, I want to rant about my journey through this emotional whirlwind, and the nagging question that keeps me up at night: “Am I a loser?”” Why do I feel so lost “

**The Privilege Paradox: Feeling Too Damn Lucky**

I’ll admit it; I am privileged in many ways. I had access to a good education, a supportive family, and a relatively comfy life. But here’s the thing – privilege doesn’t spare you from the inner battles. It doesn’t protect you from the constant feeling that you’re falling short.

You see when I think about privilege, I can’t help but wrestle with a paradox. I’ve grown up with advantages that many others don’t have. I never had to worry about where my next meal would come from, and I had access to quality education. I had a safety net of loving parents who were always there for me. On paper, I was incredibly fortunate.

But sometimes, that very privilege can lead to feelings of guilt and confusion. You start to wonder, “Why am I feeling this way when I have so much going for me?” It’s a strange and challenging feeling when you realize that your privileges, which should make you feel secure, end up making you question your worth.

**From Top of the Class to Rock Bottom**

Once upon a time, I was that student who aced exams, the one everyone thought was going to conquer the world. I consistently topped my class, received accolades and praise, and I had a clear path ahead of me. I was ambitious and had high hopes for my future.

But somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of purpose. The world started to blur, and my goals felt like distant stars. It’s strange how the same person who was once at the top can feel like they’re at the bottom. It’s like life took a wild turn, and I wasn’t ready for it.

The transition from a high-achieving student to feeling like a complete underachiever can be emotionally overwhelming. I constantly question what went wrong. I reminisce about the times when I was on top of the world and wonder how I ended up here, in this state of self-doubt and uncertainty.

And that’s where I am at! In the cycle of what ifs and what could have been !!

**Dreams vs. Reality: It’s Scary AF**

We all have this picture-perfect life in our minds, right? I sure did. The problem is when reality doesn’t match our dream world, it’s a scary place to be. I’m terrified that I might never get to live the life I envisioned, and that’s a heavy weight to carry.

I had a vision of how my life would unfold. I thought I’d have a successful career and financial stability. But life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at you. Maybe it was the job I didn’t get, the relationship that didn’t work out, or the unexpected health issues. Suddenly, I found myself far from the picture-perfect life I had painted in my mind.

This disparity between my dreams and reality can be paralyzing. It’s not just scary; it’s downright petrifying. I often wonder if I am doomed to fall short of the grand expectations I have set for myself. It’s a constant struggle to reconcile my dreams with the way life is actually unfolding.

**The Fear of Being a Loser: It’s a Real Struggle**

The fear of being a loser haunts me. It’s this constant, gnawing sensation that I’m somehow failing at life. I guess it’s natural to want to be successful, to feel validated. But let’s be real – your worth isn’t determined by what you’ve achieved. It’s not about being on top; it’s about the journey. This is the thought that keeps me sane now.

We live in a world that places a tremendous emphasis on success and achievement. Whether it’s the pressure to have a high-paying job, a beautiful home, a loving family, or a long list of accomplishments, the fear of not measuring up to these societal standards can be debilitating.

The fear of being a loser can creep in when we compare ourselves to others who seem to have it all together. Social media doesn’t help either; it’s a highlight reel of people’s best moments. When I scroll through those perfectly curated lives, I can’t help but feel like I am falling short. It’s easy to forget that everyone faces struggles and challenges, even if they don’t share them on Instagram. That there’s a difference between reel and real life.


Somewhere along the line, on the good days, I believe that my worth isn’t determined by my job title, my relationship status, or the number of likes on my social media posts. I am probably not defined by my accomplishments or lack thereof. My worth comes from within, from the values I hold, the love I give, and the resilience I show in the face of adversity.

**Finding My Way in the Darkness**

I’m in a dark place right now. Feeling lost, feeling broken – it’s hard to put into words. But I’ve decided it’s okay to be here. It’s okay to be not okay, reach out to friends. My privilege can be my strength – it can help me bounce back.

Ultimately, I want to tell myself and anyone else who’s been in my shoes that you’re not a loser. You’re a human being with the power to find your way through the mess, redefine your goals, and make your life meaningful. It’s okay to feel lost, but what you do with that feeling matters. Let’s take one step at a time on this emotional rollercoaster of a journey we call life.

I’m still navigating this journey but determined to find my way. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m ready to embrace the uncertainty and learn from it. If you’re feeling lost and like a loser too, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to take one small step at a time. We’re all in this together, trying to make sense of our unique and complex journeys. And remember, you are not a loser – you’re a fighter, a survivor, and you have the potential to overcome your doubts and fears.

Yeah this is me from a past couple of weeks !!!

I think thats why I wanted this blog to do really well because somewhere I wanted to feel I was good at something !!!

I m getting there I guess but I m okay honestly!!!

So stay with me and shower me with lots of love and blessings in the comments.


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Thanku for staying till the end

Sending you lots of love and hugs !!!

Lost Love : Poetic Farewell to My Crush

Dear crush,
I have some words to weave,
So that I can let you finally leave,
We met as mutuals,
We clicked instantly, the timing a bit unusual,
We texted long convos nothing like my usual,
I wish I could just put everything back to neutral.


Emotions, feelings I tried to make it hush,
Yet it seemed something that I couldn’t brush,
And then you become my internet crush.
Weirdly enough making me all time blush,
And  you made me feel all the romantic  rush.


You made me feel comfortable in my skin,
Acquaintance or friend, I didn’t know where to sink in,
I wanted it to be something more,
You were something that I have never had before.


I pretended to be unbothered but I was scared,
Because it was all new and I was unprepared.
You were the scintilla And your eyes bought me that,
It used to lighten up my darkest nights,
A glimpse of a text, I glimmer,
Used to help me shine even brighter,
Battling my insecurities and the dark thoughts I was in,
Yet you were never mine to begin.


I was my free annoying sarcastic self with you,
You were everything wonderful, perfect, and true.
Our conversations kept me alive and shining,
Till you found me annoying.
I never intended that but it came to that point,
From your viewpoint, I was a disappoint.


I finally moved away from the city,
I wish there was no nitty gritty,
Yet we were somewhere in touch,
Months passed and everything in me screamed
I wasn’t good enough
Maybe withholding from making a move
But for you, I wanted to make an improve
We talked., I wanted to know you so much more
That I stayed for you to open up
I patiently waiting for your nothing to turn into my sup
I knew it was difficult, you had your issues
But I was always ready with my tissues.


But somewhere in the weird what-if scenarios
I knew I could do that, highly optimistic
But boy was I wrong, I wasn’t realistic
You were closed off and shut me off
Yet I tried harder to break through your shell
Though I knew in you somewhere I fell.
Then I moved back to the city,
And you asked us to meet,
I was happy and cynical and giddy.
It never happened ,I was devastated..


Everything got complicated ,yet I waited,
But I consoled myself telling it was okay,
Maybe someday?
Until there wouldn’t be, as I lashed out on you,
You called me annoying and finally, I broke down.


Days later I apologized yet I knew something in us was broken.
We were never going back to being friends,
I knew this is exactly where it ends.
Days later I realized, did I know you at all??
Maybe I didn’t, I just indulged myself in too many scenarios..


I thought I knew you.
I knew a tiny part of you, which I m grateful,
But today I m heartbroken.
I m away from the city, conversations playing in my head,
Waiting for this moment to never come,
My breathing is heavy and broken,
As I write this ,as my grief speaks in poetry unspoken,
But I m kissing my memories with teary-eyed
I have too many words to tell yet I am all numb and heartbroken


As goodbyes I know can never be outspoken or forespoken.
Yet not letting you go
But I know I have to let you go
So this is the letter i weave,
Because I m not the princess in your story.


I walked in your path and had my world collide,
I m glad I did because it’s a labyrinth.
Even if right now, my sorrow is significant,
Bearing it makes me crushed and mystified,
But I don’t want all this to be Trapped inside,


Because in this process I found me,
The writer and character, the setting, and the plot
But I will nevertheless miss you
You were my story to weave
Hence I take my leave……


Hey there,

I wanted to take a moment to chat about this poem and the whole ‘crush’ thing. Pouring my heart out like this wasn’t just cathartic, it was a real eye-opener.

Having a crush, it turns out, is a bit like stumbling upon a hidden gem. It makes you feel alive, a little giddy, and yeah, sometimes even a tad frustrated. Putting pen to paper, or rather fingers to keys, helped me make sense of it all.

See, a crush isn’t just a passing fancy. It’s a little spark that reminds us we’re capable of feeling deeply. And penning this down? It’s like freezing a moment in time, a souvenir from this rollercoaster ride of emotions.

So, here’s to crushing, to feeling, and to embracing every wild twist and turn. Thanks for joining me on this adventure.

Cheers,

(Ps All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental)

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Haiku (Day 2)

1.
In libraries vast,
Books whisper secrets of old,
Tales forever told.

2.
Pages turn with grace,
Ink and paper interlace,
Worlds in each embrace.

3.
Cover’s artistry,
Invites curiosity,
A world to foresee.

4.
Knowledge unfurling,
In the pages, worlds are twirling,
Learning’s sweet swirling.

5.
Between shelves I stand,
Bound by stories, a book in hand,
My escape is planned.

6.
From dawn until dusk,
In books, I place my trust,
Words, my treasure trove.

7.
Spine creased with love,
Worn pages rise like a dove,
Thoughts from above.

8.
Whispers of the past,
In dusty tomes they’re cast,
Time’s shadows contrast.

9.
Library’s delight,
Books transport us through the night,
Imagination’s flight.




Haiku, with its roots in Japanese tradition, has a unique charm. As I explored this poetic form, I realized that it’s not just about words; it’s about capturing moments, emotions, and the essence of life itself.
I found beauty in nature, fleeting moments, and subtle emotions that often go unnoticed. Haiku is like a lens that sharpens our perception of the world.

I’d like to extend an invitation to all of you. Try your hand at haiku; it’s an enchanting and enjoyable creative exercise.

Explore the world around you, embrace the simplicity, and distill your thoughts into this concise form of poetry.

Share your haikus with friends, family, or even on social media,and comment down below and let’s celebrate the beauty of these small poetic gems together.

Haiku is not just a form of art; it’s a way to appreciate life’s many facets in a few, carefully chosen words.


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Poem on Confidence ( Day 1 of 30 day writing challenge)


In a world attracted by beauty ,glory and grace.
I sing a prose , not for my face ,but confidence
In verses ,I shall express this interesting stance, .

Years of social values, strict laws
My experience of the world was filled with arrogance and defiance,
We are trained to seek a path bathed in brilliance.
With resilience and competence as our guide,
Yet ,all this time we hugged ignorance, side by side.

With trials and compliance, we did find our way,
Still we lose a part that holds us sway.
In this dance of perfection we attempt to find our elegance,
Yet never Embracing existence, with eloquence.

So this prose is for us , for me and you
A sign to embrace quirks ,issues and grace ,
With assurance, we’ll rise above the whispers of nuisance,
Toward a place of peace and abundance.
In the realm of confidence, we take a stance,
Where mistakes are acceptable and not enhanced


Though those whispers of malevolence may try to impede,
Our confidence is what we need.
With benevolence and perseverance, we’ll face,
The beauty of life’s magnificence, exorbitant and free.

In the end, it’s our confidence that shines,
Guiding us through all the signs and lanes
With empathy and grace, we’ll commence.

For us to light the lamp of love ,
Together we will be able to light the stage ,
Hope this poem gives you confidence .
Remember, dear friend, confidence is what we send.
Strengthen thy self, to never let life let you mend.


So ,it’s officially day 1 of the writing challenge and I wanted to share something that I have often dealt with . Lack of confidence.

I always doubted myself more than I should and never gave myself due credit where I deserved.

So this is a poem for me and you , signifying that the world needs confidence more than what we think and to not let the whispers of the society to dim your light !!!!!

In case you want to be a part of the writing challenge , I will link the blog below !!!

Do comment your writings so I can repost the same !!!!


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“Ex Talk: A Captivating Journey of Love, Honesty, and Self-Discovery”



Rating – ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I honestly didn’t pick this up intentionally. I had one audible credit to exhaust and the synopsis looked interesting plus radio and audio books , sounds like a dream combo.It did!!
I liked the book .

For me , books personally,have the ability to transport us to other worlds, elicit emotions, and instruct us in useful lessons. The delightful contemporary romance novel “Ex Talk” by Rachel Lynn Solomon takes readers on an immersive journey of love, honesty, and self-discovery. “Ex Talk” captivated me from from the very beginning to the very end thanks to its compelling characters, intricate relationships, and themes that provoke thought.


“Ex Talk” presents Shay Goldstein, a public radio producer facing a unique challenge to boost ratings. To do so, she teams up with her nemesis, Dominic Yun, to host a radio show where they pretend to be exes and offer relationship advice. What makes the story compelling is Shay’s relatable character, as she battles self-doubt, insecurities, and the fear of revealing her true self. Her growth throughout the story resonated with me, who can empathize with and cheer for her.

The novel delves into the themes of authenticity and vulnerability, emphasizing Shay’s journey to find her voice and embrace her true identity. The importance of honesty and vulnerability in building genuine connections is highlighted, showcasing the power of being authentic for personal growth, healthy relationships, and happiness.

The relationships portrayed in the book are dynamic and emotionally rich. Shay’s friendships and her complex bond with her bestfriend feel genuine and layered. The chemistry between Shay and Dominic captivates readers, drawing them deeper into the story. The author expertly explores multifaceted relationships, capturing the nuances of love, friendship, and family dynamics, adding emotional depth to the narrative.

Communication and miscommunication are central themes in “Ex Talk.” The consequences of assumptions, withheld truths, and the significance of direct and honest dialogue are explored as Shay and Dominic navigate their radio charade. Effective communication is highlighted as vital for understanding, trust, and the growth of any relationship.

The transformative power of growth and change is beautifully illustrated in this novel. Shay’s personal journey involves confronting fears, seizing new opportunities, and pushing her own boundaries. Through her experiences, we are reminded that personal growth often requires stepping outside comfort zones and embracing the unknown. Shay’s evolution serves as an empowering example of finding strength, pursuing passions, and embracing change.

In conclusion, “Ex Talk” by Rachel Lynn Solomon is a compelling contemporary romance that delves into themes of authenticity, vulnerability, and personal growth. The relatable characters and intricate relationships resonate with readers, leaving a lasting impact. The novel reminds us of the importance of honesty, communication, and embracing change, creating a memorable reading experience.
So do give it a read !!!


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My yellow,My friend 💛💛

There are good days, and then there are bad days. Days that exhaust you and make you feel at your lowest. Where you beat yourself up and let scars scar. On those days, I crave my yellows to remind myself that I am a yellow too.

What’s yellow, you are thinking?

(This was one of the terms that I learned from my YouTube dictionary as a hashtag.)

Ideally, yellow is a person you love, you label it as the person being your yellow. It’s inspired by the “Yellow” song by Coldplay.

“I swam across

I jumped across for you

Oh, what a thing to do

‘Cause you were all yellow”




But the word has so many layers. Maybe today I m in one of those writing and introspective moods that I am here to put my chaotic thoughts into paper.

My first thought was why did they insinuate it with the colour yellow ??

Is it because it symbolises sunshine? Or warmth or a mixture of both.

Google had no answer and I realised it was open to interpretation.

So for the time being the definition for me right now for yellow is you. You are my yellow.

Because the impact that my yellows had on my life is significant because they made me a better person to be in a better place. So I want to thank them in my way, ie, by writing.

The yellows in my life, the friendships we have, are like vibrant colours that add beauty and purpose to my existence. They are like the indelible stains on my life, stains a reminder of things that I am grateful and lucky to have.

Among the kaleidoscope of friendships, I am blessed to have a friend who embodies being my yellow.

So today, it’s a yellow day, a celebration of being yellow, for having a yellow and the profound impact.

The light of positivity 

 You, my yellow, is a light of positivity, a bundle of joy even when you don’t feel like that. You have ounces of optimism inside you, even when you think you are pessimistic, it shines through you. You help me to find my silver lining and pull me out of my shadows. On the days I beat myself up, you remind me that the sun will rise tomorrow again and with it, new opportunities will come for you and you will find your spark again.

 The warmth of my empathy.

 You, my yellow, have an abundance of empathy. You have an innate ability to understand and share in my joys and sorrows, you being my safe space. Your compassion and no- judgement attitude has bought me comfort and also taught me to be there for others when in need.

 The energy of adventure

 On so many days, I would be just snuck inside my blanket reading, if it wasn’t for you. Your adventurous spirit is honestly contagious and I m not complaining. Exploring uncharted territories, trying out new hobbies, and your zest for life, you have motivated me to step out of my comfort zone.

 The glow of support

 Support is such a small word but it means the world to people. You bring that glow to my life, my support system.

 How can someone provide such unwavering support? You believe in me, even when I don’t, you remind me to stop doing swot analysis and Focus on strengths and opportunities and work on my weaknesses while not being a threat to myself.

 You help me to reach new heights and you are my cheerleader. Yes I do vision you wearing short skirts and carrying pompoms and dancing for me .

 The beauty of authenticity.

 You are unapologetically authentic, and effortlessly flawless in my eyes. And , no one can take that away from you. In the world of Barbie dolls , I am in awe of the person that you are, that sometimes ,i feel like you are A AI clone impersonating human like behaviour , that it scares me . But on most days I m grateful , grateful to see your authentic raw real self. I like honest people. And you top my list .

 Why am I writing this? To celebrate your uniqueness. In a world that encourages conformity, you remind me to let my true colours shine.

 You have your flaws too and I, sometimes, am fueled to murder you ,but you illuminate my soul. You have taught me more lessons than my school textbooks. You are my sunshine. So today let me be yours. I hope I brighten your day because, in the dictionary of life, I m very fortunate to have you as my yellow, my friend and I hopefully will love you forever.

 So, my fellow human being. You are yellow too !! At least my yellow because you bring joy to my life.

 What motivated me to write this?

 This week has been chaotic for me, I am still adjusting and somehow, I didn’t find time to write. 

 Because of so many changes, I have been overwhelmed and I started to overthink. Not a good signnn!!!

 And someone had to remind me that I m a yellow in their life.

 Sometimes the simplest things said in the simple ways open up your heart in so many ways.

 So this is an attempt to do that.

 A simple writeup of me telling that you are yellow to me, to lift you on days when you beat yourself up !!

 I will always be there for you through my writings.

 So hang in there, my yellow 💛

 Love you 3000

 Sending lots of love hugs and positivity

 Poestoryporium 


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My Newsletter

The title says it all !!! I have grown up reading newsletters and blogs !! My email has probably 14,000 mails and probably half of it is newsletters . So ,I have always wanted to start my own newsletter.

Honestly, when I started this blog, I always envisioned myself starting a newsletter after hitting a specific number and on my vision Board I Had predicted it to almost take a year.

But you guys have shown so much love for which I am forever grateful!!

So here we are 2.5 months later, Introducing my baby to the world.

It’s a weekly free newsletter that would be delivered directly to your mail with amazing content recommendations and everything and nothing.

I will spill some tea on my week we chit-chat and build our community, a community of raw unfiltered chaotic beautiful people.!!!

So, it would mean the world to me if you guys subscribe!!!

The first newsletter comes out tomorrow !!!

Thank-you u❤️❤️❤️

“Actions”


In the domain of life’s exalted dreams, where aspirations take flight,
Actions emanate, splashing shades both ruinous and bright.
They speak louder than words, weaving stories untold.
Mighty soldiers, moldable destinies, courageous and bold.

With that effort, the labourer finds his way.
Building Rome, brick by brick, day by day
Each stroke is a sacrament of perseverance’s might.
Transforming perceptions into realities, shining bright

Through actions, artists dance with a dreamy embrace.
Fashioning masterpieces and breathing life into space.
A brush’s stroke, a poet’s verse, melodies that soar,
In each formulation, a sighting of the conscience’s deepest core

A helping hand was extended, a blessing bestowed,
Actions of empathy are the seeds of humanity they sow.
Mending trauma, patching hearts, tranquillizing faith,
These kinetics configure a universe where hope finds its phantom.

But actions, like a double-edged sword, can sway
Their cause and effect are beyond words.
In flashes of anger, decisions made in haste,
Can leave aisles of regret in their vindictive chase.

In words unspoken, in deeds left undone,
Lies the substance of inaction; probabilities are gone.
For time waits for no one; it tick-tocks ceaselessly.
Moments slip through fingers like sand from the sea.

So let us pace with purpose, guided by light.
Let sublime actions be our compass, shining bright.
For in this colossal tapestry of life’s design,
Our actions engrave the legacy we leave behind.

May our evolution be galvanised by compassion’s grace.
May our actions embolden us in every time and space.
For, in the end, it’s through actions that we define,
The essence of our being, our purpose, our sign.


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Nyctophile

With colours so tangy and bright,
Why do i feel there’s no light,
woven in the darkness,
Maybe i am ,
What the society terms me a mess,
The imperfect me by the perfect them,
Like a plant to the stem,
I often wonder,
the game of pretendence,
Isn’t it a blunder,
yet we are in its root,
To criticise and to loot.
The self esteem and love ,
The confidence of being unique,
Yes you r right….
I am a disaster a beautiful disaster
#hope #nyctophile #depression #love #poem #poet #poetry #poetrycommunity


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Questions

It’s like life is teaching me the same lesson.
Different chapters, but always the same question,
Is there something for which to strive for perfection?
Is it okay to be ordinary and not be an exception?
All the questions haunted me, and I stood at an interception.
felt like I was running in circles with no satisfaction.
I was functioning with aggression.
Being suffocated by oppression and depression 
I was seeking an explanation.
“Was I the weapon for my own destruction?”
Felt like amidst recession with no option 
My subconscious played it as a replay of an obsession.
I didn’t realize it was a cry and a call for introspection.

 

After lot of thoughts,conversations and suggestions
I figured something that i would like to mention
There’s no steady set direction ,
Everything is just a perception
Everyone has a different progression
At the end what matters is dedication
Because life is no fiction , 
Everything is a demonstration with convention
After every downfall, you are worthy of a resurrection
It’s okay to anticipate, exaggerate even question,
As there’s no such thing as salvation,
And this is my confession and realisation 
You are a prized possession , with flavours of complexion
Find your connection, empathise with your question
As you should admire your reflection.
 


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Shadows

I have always lived in the shadows,
Not on the pedestal not on meadows,
Hiding from the spotlight, wherever the light goes,
Pulling down the shutters on my windows,
I crucified my tomorrow not believing in magical rainbows,
Because I knew , as tomorrow comes , my darkness grows.

Being alone , with so many unknowns ,
Amidst friends and foes,
Looking at Instagram perfect lives,
Emotions and dreams buried under catacombs,

While my nightmare clings on to me like shadows.
I tried coming out of the shadows ,
yet I felt I was stranded on fallows.
I tried to be someone else , as the author plotted,
Only to be feeling destroyed and haunted.

Fairytales kept reminding me of treasures,
Yet all I could see was an imperfect mess,
Trying to fit in with sleeves of confidence and glow in a dress,

Trying to bloom and stand affirm on my toes with my clothes
Nothing as compared to the spectators on first rows.

We were taught to be princesses not to be shadows,
But I defied the rules , as I was a hot mess,
A consistently inconsistent work in progress .

It took me long to accept me as no less
here in shadows to feel solace in anonymity
Living life with no reservations
For my name would be forgotten someday
Yet I was completely okay to be not okay.

To not be tortured with endless explanations
And expectations,
As I will , probably and mostly be lost in the shadows
Yet I would breathe be happy for being me in a shadow
Being a silhouette, beautiful in an unspoken way
As I peak in from shadows as i m here to stay.


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