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Breaking the Narrative: How to Recognise and Rewrite Your Role as the Villain in Your Life Story



I was a quiet kid, and then my amazing best friend came along in school. She pushed me to go outside of my box so the world could see the fireball that I was. The adrenaline rush that I got from speaking, debate, quizzes still gives me goosebumps. I won trophies, and the world saw me as a smart, sarcastic, and even some said intellectual person. Everything was picture-perfect, and then I stopped.

Why? I got overwhelmed.

I went inside my shell and only let a few people inside my brain.

I could paint a thousand villains for making me feel all this, but more so, somewhere along the line, I knew it was me.

Yeah, you read it right; I am the anti-hero of my story.

Quite the dramatic intro, isn’t it?




Recently, I read the poem ” I am a Screw-Up” by Tanmay. This series of thoughts came after that. and this deserves all the attention.

(P.S. This isn’t a pity party post; it’s my villain arc story.)

Each of us possesses a life story that influences how we see ourselves and the world. However, at times, this narrative can portray us as the antagonist, imposing limitations on our potential and hindering personal development.

It took me a lot of time to see that I am the writer, and we possess the ability to identify and modify this narrative, thereby transforming ourselves into the protagonists of our tales.

Does it happen overnight? No,

It’s a slow and gradual process.

Most days you wake up as a hero, and other days you wake up as a villain.

And if you ask me honestly, once in a while, it’s good to be the villain of your story because it gives you a perspective that you don’t tend to see. But there’s a very fine line, and that’s difficult to maintain as it can often turn to self-loathing and be detrimental to our mental health. Following is a list that helped me liberate myself from the constraints of self-perception, how I identified detrimental patterns and my slow, gradual steps to rewriting my story.

Is it an exhaustive list? No.

Do you, I say!

1. Self-Reflection

When the stack of self-help books kept chanting self-reflection, I never got the hype around it. Until I started journaling. I never did anything fancy or used the prompts in the books. Are they wrong? No, but it wouldn’t have worked for me.

So I just sat down with paper and pen and started writing.

Honestly, it felt weird because I’m used to typing on a laptop, but this felt more personal and even borderline invasive.

Words became sentences, sentences became paragraphs, and eventually, it was all soaked in tears.

Was it easy? No, and yes.

It requires introspection and a willingness to examine thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that contribute to self-perception.

Did it help? Yes

This process helped me gain awareness and understanding of the patterns that kept me stuck in the role of the villain. It’s very important to be in your safe space so that you can explore your past experiences, beliefs, and actions. And then ask these questions:

What events or experiences led me to believe I was the villain in my story?

How have these beliefs influenced my actions and relationships?

These questions and thoughts helped me uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and assumptions that had shaped my self-perception.




Challenging Limiting Beliefs

As kids, we used to question everything and nothing. Now we don’t.

When did we limit ourselves? Why did we?

Somewhere along the line, all the questions lead to the same answer: deep-rooted limiting beliefs.

I started to question their origin. In my story, it was instilled in me by others and developed as a defence mechanism to cope. I knew I had to wake up and challenge myself. So I started asking these questions: It’s crucial to identify these beliefs and challenge them.

The beliefs that were limiting me

Are they based on evidence or assumptions? Are they still relevant and helpful in my life?

I started gathering pieces of evidence, and I sought out positive feedback and validation from trusted individuals to provide me with a different perspective.

I gradually started replacing the limiting beliefs with empowering ones that reflect me and help identify me with my full and true potential.

Taking responsibility and accountability

I knew words could only help me to some extent; actions had to be followed up
I had to take accountability,

Acknowledge my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t want to hold grudges anymore. I didn’t want to torment myself anymore in the cycle of victimhood. Instead, I want to own up to being me, and even if it’s an imperfect mess, I will still be happy.

Reflecting on the times when I may have acted in ways that were not aligned with my values Taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions without dwelling on guilt or self-blame Recognising that making mistakes is part of being human and that it is through mistakes that we learn and grow

I think when I started embracing accountability, I empowered myself to make different choices moving forward. Learning from my past actions, committing to making amends if necessary, and striving to act in ways that align with the hero I want to become Or at least for the version that I want to be.




Empathy and Compassion: Transforming Relationships

Breaking the villainous narrative goes beyond self-reflection; it also involves transforming our relationships with others.

Why don’t we talk about empathy?

Society wants us to be hard and driven but forgets that being humane isn’t being weak.

It’s important to understand that everyone has their struggles and motivations, which may have influenced their actions in the past.

Recognising that actions may have been influenced by circumstances, insecurities, or past traumas .Extending this understanding to others as well, allowing space for forgiveness and healing.


Cultivating open and honest communication with the people in my life was very life-changing for me.I am still learning

It wasn’t and isn’t easy. I’m taking small, gradual steps every day.

Embracing change and growth

I hate change. I am inflexible like that. But lately, I have been liking change. It helped me grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me enjoy my own company.

This list sounds very fancy, right? But there was nothing fancy about it! It wasn’t aesthetically pleasing; some days it was hard, some days manageable.

Why did I do all this? Somewhere, I wanted to become the catalyst of my story.

To rewrite my role as the villain in my life story, I wanted to create a new narrative that empowers and uplifts me.

I started visualising it and made a movie out of it in my head with lots of BGM.

Recognising and rewriting the narrative that casts us as the villains in our life stories is a transformative journey. It requires self-reflection, challenging limiting beliefs, taking responsibility, cultivating empathy and compassion, embracing change and growth, and creating a new narrative that empowers us as the heroes of our own stories.

Is this the end of my TED talk? I guess so.

Honestly, I am not telling or preaching that I am completely out of my villain arc era! No.

A big fat No.

But I have also understood that this process is not linear and may require ongoing effort and commitment. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes along the way. Being kind is important.

I believe By breaking free from the constraints of self-perception, we can embrace our true potential, forge meaningful connections, and live a life filled with purpose and fulfilment. It’s time to rewrite our story and become the hero we were always meant to be. Trust in your ability to create a narrative that reflects your strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. The power to shape your story lies within you.

Because you, my love, deserve so much more!So go be the hero !!!!!!. Till then sending you lots of hugs, love and positivity!!!!!


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Rear view

Rear view :
Months passed , the loss persists,
Writing helped , but the pain still exists,
Deeply sceptical about love and wrath,
But I’d promised to never lose faith.

Moving in is mutual , I wish moving on was too,
Sleep is easy after a pill or two,
Waking up with that fake smile is constant,
None of which would have happened,if you weren’t so distant.

The sweeping fierceness which my soul betrayed,
The skill with which wielded the keen blade;
The bright world dim, and everything beside
Seemed like the fleeting image of a shade.
Which no thought of living spirit could abide.

I breathe but it’s not air ,
Something else in the wind,
Calm and empty, a rush of silence,
Yet plenty and whole, a vacuum of stillness,
I seem to have been paused
somewhere along the way.

Now it’s time to resume,
Heading towards the start of the play,
No drum rolls, no intros,
Just a smooth shift of state
In, then, out of time,
A second, maybe less ,
Growth, taking up an instant,
Change, stealing away each moment,
Set to sail on the turbulent waves,
Whose effects are none to
the eyes that witness,
To the ears that listen and
to the hands that touch…

Wishing that maybe
Maybe my soul was carried away,
out into the openness,
Beyond the horizon,
Across the marvels of the universe ,
Perhaps even closer to home,
Maybe there’s a world bigger than the world,
A world that never talks,
A world that never betrays.


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Nyctophile

With colours so tangy and bright,
Why do i feel there’s no light,
woven in the darkness,
Maybe i am ,
What the society terms me a mess,
The imperfect me by the perfect them,
Like a plant to the stem,
I often wonder,
the game of pretendence,
Isn’t it a blunder,
yet we are in its root,
To criticise and to loot.
The self esteem and love ,
The confidence of being unique,
Yes you r right….
I am a disaster a beautiful disaster
#hope #nyctophile #depression #love #poem #poet #poetry #poetrycommunity


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Why did I stop writing?

This week was ideally one of my good weeks. This blog of mine took off really well, and I have you guys to thank for that!
I had started blogging years ago and earned decent money from it too,gained a massive following but then I decided to delete it one fine morning.Yes I was dumb .But something in me broke that day.I hated that piece of me , I just wanted it to be erased and just like that my blog disappeared from the face of the internet and my life.

Everything triggered it, and I couldn’t handle it. People saw me broken and had so many assumptions. Some friends of mine even called me “dark and twisted” because my poetry genre was that. One day, it was just the tip of the iceberg when a friend of mine told me that I have two completely different personalities when it comes to the friend they know and the blog they read. I was so scared of people around me having opinions that I stopped blogging . Initially , i thought I would take a week off and get back to it .But whenever I sat down to write , i could see weird gazes and interpretations of me running in their head , some even vocalising it clouding the words and my emotions and I couldn’t put anything on the paper .I was scared , scared to be not accepted . And that made me claustrophobic, my own poetry made me claustrophobic.And I decided to stop blogging.

Now that I think about it, I knew it was immature of me to do that, but that 19 year-old didn’t know any better! Even people’s compliments felt fake and a conversation starter. They assumed I was too smart, but I wasn’t. I just had some teeny tiny creative juices flowing in my overthinking brain. Sometimes, I hate myself for that because I really want to shut my brain down and give myself a break too.

But now I have regrets. I have regrets about killing my baby when it was at its highest point. Regrets of disappointing lakhs of people , regrets that maybe my old blog would have reached at a height that I could never fathom.But looking back, would I do it again? Yes . A complicated answer for a very simple question .This “yes” has so many layers attached to it. The insecurities in me wasn’t happy with the immense response that it got. Even with this blog, the views, likes, and comments all seem so surreal as I have just started. The fear of being inside that glassbox someday is something that I am constantly working on, trying to not let it tackle me down again this time.I know all this sounds like I m selfish and all I care for is numbers . Honestly, no.I’m not a number person, but I do like to be appreciated and being acknowledged for what I write. Because growing up, I wasnt. Trauma does have a boomerang effect.I guess so !! The warmth of you guys relating to it keeps my juices flowing , sparks my creative wires, keeps me going.

Why am I writing this? Because today I felt the same thing—the fear of being judged for what I write? Would I be considered “dark and twisted” or am I mature enough? The overthinking went on overdrive till I started scribbling in my diary, and I honestly realized I couldn’t change the way people look at me. Some may consider me annoying, others too intellectual, and some crazy, but the real ones know me for me. Like me for who I am—and poetry is a part of me—this chaotic mess of words ,wittiness and emotions.
And I missed blogging. Seriously, I missed writing poetry and putting it out there, and I guess it’s okay. Because this is how I am true to myself, by being the real me. It was so hard to stay away from all this for the past two years, and I also know for a fact my writing isn’t at its peak, but it’s okay because I write for myself;i m happy , in a safe space of my own as the perfect poetry for me is my own.
Why did I crib so much today? Because today I had a conversation with my friend about how he missed my poetry and our open mics. He told me he missed my writing, and that’s when I opened up to him about my fears and the cycle of thoughts that led me to that standstill. He said I was an idiot, which I agree with, but moreso, I was too scared of being overwhelmed by people’s opinions and these rationalizations of the type of person that I was just because of my poetry, as I was used to being on the sidelines. It took me a lot of time to accept the broken, unbroken me, but I’m happy. happy to be back .

It’s so easy to fall into prejudices, and I just want to tell you it’s okay. But what’s more important is to pick yourself up and surround yourself with the louder voices of empathetic people who can shut the voices in your head. Because sometimes we do make dumb decisions, but what matters is how we deal with them afterwards and the choices we make to counter them.

Is it a philosophical class ? No , but I wanted to put it out there , I am not a perfect writer , nobody is . I have made dumb decisions and it’s okay .Just write for yourself , do what makes you happy . People can create illusions but what matters is how you paint them in your head .It took me a long time to figure this out . Letting go of all this wasn’t easy but i am glad I am painting my castle on my own .I am glad to have your back because I promise to be better.
 
 
 P.s . Yes , this isn’t a typical blog format with a proper structure but Im happy with it nevertheless , the chaos in me is what comes on my blogs and thats what makes it real and me. I promise I wouldn’t leave you guys stranded this time.

Thanku for staying till the end!!!

Questions

It’s like life is teaching me the same lesson.
Different chapters, but always the same question,
Is there something for which to strive for perfection?
Is it okay to be ordinary and not be an exception?
All the questions haunted me, and I stood at an interception.
felt like I was running in circles with no satisfaction.
I was functioning with aggression.
Being suffocated by oppression and depression 
I was seeking an explanation.
“Was I the weapon for my own destruction?”
Felt like amidst recession with no option 
My subconscious played it as a replay of an obsession.
I didn’t realize it was a cry and a call for introspection.

 

After lot of thoughts,conversations and suggestions
I figured something that i would like to mention
There’s no steady set direction ,
Everything is just a perception
Everyone has a different progression
At the end what matters is dedication
Because life is no fiction , 
Everything is a demonstration with convention
After every downfall, you are worthy of a resurrection
It’s okay to anticipate, exaggerate even question,
As there’s no such thing as salvation,
And this is my confession and realisation 
You are a prized possession , with flavours of complexion
Find your connection, empathise with your question
As you should admire your reflection.
 


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Shadows

I have always lived in the shadows,
Not on the pedestal not on meadows,
Hiding from the spotlight, wherever the light goes,
Pulling down the shutters on my windows,
I crucified my tomorrow not believing in magical rainbows,
Because I knew , as tomorrow comes , my darkness grows.

Being alone , with so many unknowns ,
Amidst friends and foes,
Looking at Instagram perfect lives,
Emotions and dreams buried under catacombs,

While my nightmare clings on to me like shadows.
I tried coming out of the shadows ,
yet I felt I was stranded on fallows.
I tried to be someone else , as the author plotted,
Only to be feeling destroyed and haunted.

Fairytales kept reminding me of treasures,
Yet all I could see was an imperfect mess,
Trying to fit in with sleeves of confidence and glow in a dress,

Trying to bloom and stand affirm on my toes with my clothes
Nothing as compared to the spectators on first rows.

We were taught to be princesses not to be shadows,
But I defied the rules , as I was a hot mess,
A consistently inconsistent work in progress .

It took me long to accept me as no less
here in shadows to feel solace in anonymity
Living life with no reservations
For my name would be forgotten someday
Yet I was completely okay to be not okay.

To not be tortured with endless explanations
And expectations,
As I will , probably and mostly be lost in the shadows
Yet I would breathe be happy for being me in a shadow
Being a silhouette, beautiful in an unspoken way
As I peak in from shadows as i m here to stay.


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Book review – Ugly love

Ugly Love is a contemporary romance that follows the story of Tate Collins and Miles Archer. Tate has just moved to San Francisco to fulfill her dream of becoming a nurse, while Miles is a pilot haunted by his past. They meet when Tate moves in with her brother, who is also Miles’ neighbor. Despite their initial attraction to each other, Miles refuses to allow himself love again, and they enter into a “friends with benefits” arrangement.
The story is told from the perspectives of both Tate and Miles, alternating between their present-day interactions and flashbacks from Miles’ past. This form gives a deeper understanding of the characters and their motivations, making their struggles easier.
Hoover’s writing is engaging and emotional, drawing the reader into the story and making them care about the characters. She deals with difficult subjects such as loss, grief and trauma with sensitivity and realism, making the experiences of the characters real.
Overall, Ugly Love is a compelling and moving romantic novel that explores the complexities of human relationships and the healing power of love. It is a moving and emotional read that will stay with you long after you finish reading. I recommend it to anyone who likes contemporary romance novels.

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