Tag Archives: hate

Dear Crush


I have a tale to unfold.
Of feelings , fierce and uncontrolled,
Of thoughts through the mortal lips that must be told
I know it might explode, but I am not that bold.


So here it is, my love, you make me blush,
It was everything like the teen crush.
You are my favorite prose, a symphony of chaos and emotions.
You were my Romeo.
How you won me over, we will never know.


I saw my world in greys, yet you were my unicorn.
But for you, I guess I was a thorn.
Now it’s a fleeting dream; it’s faded.
My thoughts are no longer invaded.
Okay, I’m lying on some days, but most days it’s shaded.


But I’m hurting, with echoes of what I thought I had.
Of imagination and pain being embedded in my existence.
My crush will forever be a crush.
Never for you to know, only for the world to hush


We went from texting hours to meetings, and then you disappeared.
I read too much into your sentences.
I never knew we had differences.
Every hurt I felt became a mosaic.
Yet everything feels foreign and archaic.


I want to work on my art—the art of heartache.
Because I need to do it for my own sake.
I want to write a prose piece on perseverance.
I need my crush to go on clearance.
I want you as a distant memory.
A faint sound on a chapter I read
But not like this, unrequited love, instead


The truth and reality are very clear.
It was a predestined path, dear.
Threads of destiny weave our story.
Our pieces don’t intend to fit.
Anyway, fairytale endings are too glorious.
However, our ending was raw, real, and lit.


I’m grateful to you, yeah. The chapter is done.
But now my stories have begun.
My crush was a lesson in disguise.
To teach me lessons of resilience and heartache.
To make me a little more wise


My dear crush, you were my Romeo.
In life’s ballad, but a sentence, not a chapter
You etched my soul, but you had no control.
But I have a story to weave after
So with a wounded heart, renewed courage
I go into life again, far from being discouraged.
Taking a sip of life’s vicissitudes,
In an unknown terrain, latitude and longitude
You, my crush, are the end of my chapter.
Thanks to you, I’m focused on what I’m after
 
Thanks…
Yours in heartache and healing
 
 
 
 


I know I haven’t posted in a while especially poems .

So here’s one of my latest creations!!

Tell me your thoughts !!!


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“Turning Haters into Motivators: My Journey of Rising from Hate”**

I know I was M.I.A from writing and wordpress.Honestly the last month was haunting and filled with pain and loss . I found writing and publishing meaningless because every post I used to post , the hate comments would swirl in .


I agree hate is a reminder that you are growing in your writing journey but it got overwhelming for me

And I stopped writing. But my friends pulled me out of that spiral and I am so grateful that I have such amazing people.

So now I have decided to give the torch to you , just remember your aren’t alone…

Alright, let’s talk real stuff. We’re in this digital jungle, and hate comments? Yeah, they’re like the gnarly thorns in our social media journey. But you know what’s wild? I managed to spin those hate bombs into something kinda beautiful. Buckle up, because I’m about to share my story of how I danced through the storm of negativity and turned those hate comments into my personal boosters.

Was it easyyy??? Hell Nooo

**Facing the Hate Tornado:**
Picture this: your phone buzzes, and you check to find a hate comment. Bam! It’s like getting a slap from the universe. My first hate comment hit like a freight train to the soul. The venomous words made my confidence take a nosedive. Sleep? Nah, it was a VIP ticket to the land of overthinking. But guess what? I wasn’t the only warrior in this battle, and that’s kinda comforting yet equally disturbing.

**Bouncing Back with Resilience:**
So, I had a choice to make. Was I gonna let some keyboard warrior determine my self-worth? Heck no! I decided to rock emotional armor like a boss. I mean, everyone’s entitled to their opinion, even if it’s dipped in bitterness. Coping? Yeah, self-care rituals became my go-to. Meditation? More like daily therapy. Oh, and mentors who’d faced the same crap? They were my Jedi council.

**Fueling Up on Hate (Yeah, Really):**
This might sound insane, but I flipped hate into rocket fuel. I mean, who doesn’t wanna prove haters wrong? Their toxic comments lit a fire under me. I transformed those words into my secret weapon for success. And you know what’s sweet? Seeing them squirm as I crushed my goals. It’s like giving negativity a one-way ticket to oblivion.

**Finding Me in the Rubble:**
It’s nuts, but hate comments can kinda be like a mirror. They show you stuff about yourself you didn’t even know was there. I decided to dive into this chaos and ended up on a self-discovery bender. Yeah, it hurt, diving into my own insecurities, but the result? Uncovered strengths I never saw coming. It’s like hate turned into a personal growth jackpot.

**Unleashing My Inner Crusader:**
Guess what? Hate had a side effect I never saw coming. It sparked a rebellious fire in me. Suddenly, I wasn’t a passive bystander; I became a voice for change. My platform became a fortress against negativity, shining a light on how those toxic comments mess with our heads. Turning the tables? That’s what empowerment feels like.

**My Crew of Survivors:**
In the midst of the chaos, I found a tribe of fellow survivors. They knew the sting, the punch, and the gut-wrenching feeling of hate. Sharing our battle stories was like a lifeline. We formed this band of warriors, united by our scars and stories. Turns out, connecting with others who’ve been through the same mudslide is like finding gold in the wreckage.

**Chasing Rainbows in Thunderstorms:**
Keeping a sunny outlook when surrounded by hate storms was like acrobatics for the soul. But, I figured out the trick: focus on the good stuff. Gratitude? Oh yeah, it became my secret weapon. Genuine followers, the love they shared—it was like anti-hate armor. Mindfulness? It’s like catching rainbows in the middle of a thunderstorm.

**Conclusion:**
So here’s the deal, amigos. Hate comments? They’re like mosquitoes in the summer—annoying, but you don’t have to let them ruin your picnic. My journey through the hate vortex taught me resilience, showed me corners of myself I’d never explored, and turned me into a crusader for positivity. The digital world is a jungle, but you? You’re the king or queen of your jungle. You can flip hate on its head, dance through the storm, and come out stronger on the other side. Embrace the growth, soak in the lessons, and let those haters be your unexpected motivators.


What do you guys think !!!!!????

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“Ex Talk: A Captivating Journey of Love, Honesty, and Self-Discovery”



Rating – ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I honestly didn’t pick this up intentionally. I had one audible credit to exhaust and the synopsis looked interesting plus radio and audio books , sounds like a dream combo.It did!!
I liked the book .

For me , books personally,have the ability to transport us to other worlds, elicit emotions, and instruct us in useful lessons. The delightful contemporary romance novel “Ex Talk” by Rachel Lynn Solomon takes readers on an immersive journey of love, honesty, and self-discovery. “Ex Talk” captivated me from from the very beginning to the very end thanks to its compelling characters, intricate relationships, and themes that provoke thought.


“Ex Talk” presents Shay Goldstein, a public radio producer facing a unique challenge to boost ratings. To do so, she teams up with her nemesis, Dominic Yun, to host a radio show where they pretend to be exes and offer relationship advice. What makes the story compelling is Shay’s relatable character, as she battles self-doubt, insecurities, and the fear of revealing her true self. Her growth throughout the story resonated with me, who can empathize with and cheer for her.

The novel delves into the themes of authenticity and vulnerability, emphasizing Shay’s journey to find her voice and embrace her true identity. The importance of honesty and vulnerability in building genuine connections is highlighted, showcasing the power of being authentic for personal growth, healthy relationships, and happiness.

The relationships portrayed in the book are dynamic and emotionally rich. Shay’s friendships and her complex bond with her bestfriend feel genuine and layered. The chemistry between Shay and Dominic captivates readers, drawing them deeper into the story. The author expertly explores multifaceted relationships, capturing the nuances of love, friendship, and family dynamics, adding emotional depth to the narrative.

Communication and miscommunication are central themes in “Ex Talk.” The consequences of assumptions, withheld truths, and the significance of direct and honest dialogue are explored as Shay and Dominic navigate their radio charade. Effective communication is highlighted as vital for understanding, trust, and the growth of any relationship.

The transformative power of growth and change is beautifully illustrated in this novel. Shay’s personal journey involves confronting fears, seizing new opportunities, and pushing her own boundaries. Through her experiences, we are reminded that personal growth often requires stepping outside comfort zones and embracing the unknown. Shay’s evolution serves as an empowering example of finding strength, pursuing passions, and embracing change.

In conclusion, “Ex Talk” by Rachel Lynn Solomon is a compelling contemporary romance that delves into themes of authenticity, vulnerability, and personal growth. The relatable characters and intricate relationships resonate with readers, leaving a lasting impact. The novel reminds us of the importance of honesty, communication, and embracing change, creating a memorable reading experience.
So do give it a read !!!


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Beware

Beware
Of the sun, we must beware
When we are gliding through the air.
Though truly happy,we must beware
For happiness can also scar
Maybe the trick is to be taken by surprise
And lady be wise, 
The way to make you do that final sacrifice
The dream is real for those who dare,
Before we even know it’s there,
There are shadows all around me, telling me to beware
Agitating, craving words
betraying me to the dark
Prisoner of my own fear
Representatives and foul play getting the rear
Sorrow ,grief and despair
They’re choking my air
Yet raise the sights, the city lights are calling
We’re ready tonight, the time is right, There’s nitro in the air
In the street is where we’ll meet,
we’re warming On the beat,
we won’t retreat, beware!!!


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Dear Best friend,


I was deeply skeptical before writing as I know the internet can be a weird place but I wanted to because you are a huge part of my life, the reason why I m sane and still not so broken is because of you. So, you deserve the love and attention on my blog because you deserve nothing else. ( Mind you, I m very possessive about the content I put on my blog)
So, my fellow human,
Today is your special day and I just want to take a moment to let you know how special you are. I could get you gifts but I wanted you to have a part of me, a part that I am good at, ie, words. So I wanted to write this because, on days when you are feeling low, you can come back to this. Because the world may torment you to feel like you are worth nothing, but I will always remind you that you are my Helen of Sparta and I could start or fight the Trojan War for you.
On a more formal note, first and foremost, I want to thank you for being my friend. You have been with me through thick and thin, and I don’t know what I would do without you. You are the one person I can always count on to lift me when I am feeling down and to make me laugh when I need it the most. Your unwavering support and kindness have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life, and I will be forever grateful for them. looking back, I wouldn’t have survived my hardest days if it wasn’t for you. I know you see my vulnerability and brokenness behind the facade of sarcasm and annoyingness. I don’t even know whether it’s an actual word, but describing you through words is also difficult !!! It’s become too cheesy! But that’s what you get!
But you deserve this because you are my hype brigade, if it weren’t for you I would never give the credits I deserve and I probably will die of impostor syndrome but you hold me gently and make me realise I m not the villain of my story.
So today i want to remind you of the same .
You have been through so much in your life, yet you always manage to keep your head held high and your spirits up. Your resilience and perseverance inspire me to be a better person, and I am in awe of your courage and determination. Whenever I am feeling lost or hopeless, I think of you and all that you have overcome, and it gives me the strength to keep going.

Another thing I love about you is your sense of humor. You always know how to make me laugh, even when I am feeling my lowest. Whether it’s a silly joke, a funny meme, or just a goofy expression, you never fail to put a smile on my face. Your humor has helped me through some tough times, and I don’t know what I would do without it. we have cribbed over guys and our lives and for all of that I am so grateful to have you in my life, and I can’t imagine going through all these moments without you.

You have never judged me for my mistakes, but you have always held me accountable for them. So , i want you to do the same for you once . See your worth because even diamonds lose their shine infront of you .
I want you to know how much you are loved. You bring so much joy and happiness to those around you, and I am so lucky to call you my friend. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are, and for making my life so much brighter. I love you more than these words could ever express. Be a good friend And get me a boyfriend, for god sake !!🤣

I can go on and on, but it would be a bit too much and nobody reads for this long!!
So I want to list 24 things for you to look back on when you feel low because you may see the flawed version and be self-critical of yourself, but all I see is an imperfectly perfect person who fits in my life perfectly as my jigsaw puzzle.

1. Your kind heart always shines through.
2. You make me laugh with your humour and wit.
3. Your honesty and integrity are unwavering.
4. You are always there for me when I need you.
5. Your creativity and imagination inspire me.
6. Your intelligence and curiosity are truly impressive.
7. Your sense of adventure makes life more exciting.
8. Your thoughtfulness and consideration for others are heartwarming.
9. Your positive attitude is contagious and uplifting.
10. Your beauty radiates from within.
11.Your loyalty and commitment to our friendship are unmatched.
12.Your generosity and selflessness never cease to amaze me.
13.Your ability to empathize and understand others is a gift.
14.Your strength and resilience in the face of adversity are inspiring.
15.Your confidence and self-assuredness are admirable.
16.Your hard work and dedication to your goals are admirable.
17.Your passion and enthusiasm for life is contagious.
18.Your grace and poise in any situation are impressive.
19.Your wisdom and insight always astound me.
20.Your willingness to help others is inspiring.
21.Your ability to forgive and move on is a valuable trait.
22.Your authenticity and genuineness are rare and special.
23.Your infectious energy and positive spirit are a blessing.
24.Your unwavering faith in yourself and others is admirable.
These are just a few of the many reasons why I love you.( Also being too sweet doesn’t fit my persona , let me go back to being myself) You are an amazing person, and I am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for being you, and for always brightening my day with your presence.


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30 days ,14 posts ,279 followers ,1000 likes,6000 views


Thanku fellow humans,

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 30 days since I started my blog. In some ways, it feels like it’s been a lot longer, and in others, it feels like it’s only been a few days. Nevertheless, hitting the 30-day milestone is a significant accomplishment for me, and I wanted to take some time to reflect on the experience so far.

Starting a blog is something that I’ve wanted to do for a while now. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and I’ve always been passionate about sharing my thoughts and ideas with others. But for some reason, I never got around to actually starting a blog until now. Looking back, I think a big part of the reason was fear. I was afraid of putting myself out there, of being vulnerable, of being judged. But I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of holding myself back, and I was ready to take the leap.

The first few days of my blog were both exhilarating and terrifying. On the one hand, it was amazing to see my writing out there in the world, to see people reading and commenting on my posts. On the other hand, I was constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if anyone was actually interested in what I had to say. But as the days went on, I started to find my rhythm. I started to feel more comfortable with my voice, and I started to gain more confidence in my writing.

One of the things that surprised me most about starting a blog was how much I’ve learned in just 30 days. The technical side of things, like setting up a website, choosing a platform, and optimizing for SEO. There’s the creative side of things, like coming up with topics, crafting headlines, and developing a unique voice. And then there’s the community side of things which is my favourite part , that is , you guys!!

One of the most challenging parts of the past 30 days has been finding the time to write. Between my full-time job, my social life, and my other hobbies and responsibilities, it’s been a struggle to carve out time for blogging. But I’ve found that when I’m passionate about something, I make it work. I’ve been waking up earlier in the mornings to write before work, and I’ve been staying up later at night to get in a few more paragraphs. It’s been tiring, but it’s also been incredibly rewarding.I also would be lying by saying I wasn’t sidetracked by the hate comments , but you guys reminded me of going forward and stood as my pillar of strength.

One of the things that’s kept me going over the past 30 days has been the support of my friends and family. When I first started my blog, I was nervous about telling people. I wasn’t sure how they would react, and I was worried that they would think it was silly or that I was just wasting my time. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the positive response I’ve received. People have been reading my posts, sharing them with their friends, and leaving encouraging comments. It’s been a huge motivator for me.

Of course, not everything has been smooth sailing over the past 30 days. There have been times when I’ve felt discouraged, when I’ve wondered if it’s all worth it. There have been times when I’ve struggled to come up with ideas, when I’ve sat staring at a blank screen for hours on end. But I’ve learned that these moments are all part of the process. They’re the challenges that come with any creative pursuit, and they’re the things that make the victories all the sweeter.
Why am I writing this ? Is it to rub it on your face ? Are numbers that only matter to me ?
No ,I know the title was very catchy and selfish but honestly for me it’s not about the numbers or likes , but the community that I have build for myself . It’s like my safe and comfort space which I am very grateful for . This post for me is on the days when I am low , questioning my self worth and battling my insecurities because i tend to do that a lot .
So I want to celebrate each and every milestone with you guys!!!
Because you are my biggest cheer leaders!
I remember journaling that nobody would like my writings but boy , you guys proved me wrong and that feeling is intoxicating and a new high for me .
So thanku ,
On a side note i read 28 books from the beginning of the year .Do you guys want book recommendations or reviews , comment down below!!!
And I know I am not active with my blog and this specific blog was written a long time ago i couldn’t post it because I am dealing with a personal loss. So i will get back to writing i promise when i feel better !!
And one of my poems got published ( REAR VIEW)
Here’s the link- https://wp.me/p6OZAy-1Q5y
Do check it out !!!



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Has reading lost its charm ?

Being in the 21st century, where everything is fast-paced, I feel like reading has been forgotten. Especially introspecting my life, I felt reading has lost its path, and what exists now is valorized reading.

Something like reading for the sake of reading

As we jump from one sensation to another, from one controversy to another, with an Instagram filter on our minds, this makes me realize that somewhere along the line I forgot to read and that a lot of other people did too.

We can blame it on our short attention span, but at the end of the day, we all reach out for something easy, short, and instrumental, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it because we live in perpetual amnesia that is triggered by the world being fast and urgent. 

The constant feeling that I will miss out is something that triggers me to take my phone almost every hour, and it’s also something that has triggered a lot of anxiety in these last couple of months.

As I wrote down my thoughts, I figured I had given up on reading and writing somewhere along the line.

And this is an attempt to get back to reading.

If you, my friend, also gave up on reading, you can start again. I’m here to accompany you.

For me, the earliest memories of reading were when I was three and on train journeys. How dad used to get me a magic pot so that I wouldn’t be an annoyance

I am still an annoyance, but my love for books is something that hasn’t left.

Being brought up in a humble household, one of the things that my parents never said no to was books. I used to demand books as presents for every exam I passed. 

I still remember borrowing books from friends and libraries and finishing them in two to three days because I loved the rush.

It came to a point where I was reading Jeffery Archer’s When the Crow Flies instead of my history books before my 10th board exams.

Do I regret it? Noooooo

The rush of having that imagination, the rush of going into a parallel universe where I portray the main character, seeing myself in situations, deciding what I would have done and what I wouldn’t, and complex storylines with spicy images keep playing in my head as a slow-motion movie. Enough that someday I could lend my brain cells to Elon Musk to make an extraordinarily brilliant movie.

All these emotions and memories are something that is beyond description.

Books have led me to a web of my past, present, and future, like an island universe that’s interlinked but not yet linked.

For me, a book does affect me; I feel pangs of grief, motivation, empathy, and all the emotions in between as the character develops. It is a small, intimate space of mine that nobody else has access to—sort of a mysterious realm.

Nothing is linear in life, and as life progresses, one of the things that I gave up was books.

Is there a specific reason? No 

But I kind of discovered recently that one of the reasons why I had given up on reading was the anxiety in choosing a book.

The fear that I would miss out on this year’s nominations, what if it isn’t good, and this eventually felt like a job, not the one I liked, Going through reviews and feeding on people’s opinions got so tedious that for me reading lost its wonder in this process.

I missed picking out random books from shelves, going with my gut, and thinking it might be a hit. Even if it wasn’t, I would at least be able to take something away.

Now, this screams of slobbishness and elitism, but it is what it is: I was consumed by valorized reading, and I started mimicking other people’s choices instead of giving in to what my heart wanted.

Now, why am I writing this? Humans as a whole are very creative animals, and creativity being the buzzword in this digital era, I wanted to start reading again , be soaked in creative juices .

And I have started again, and the feeling is amazing—not bound by social pressures but doing something from a thick desire.

I don’t want to be a person who is limited to WhatsApp archives; I want to go beyond the perfect sentences and let imagination take its toll. And for this reason, books are my comfort space.

Feel sheer joy and delight, feel uncomfortable, have butterflies in your stomach, cry, and feel all the emotions as I turn every page.

I would say you also just need to give a short

I’m not going to preach a lot, but in the end, there’s so much knowledge to consume. Take anything—a newsletter, audiobooks, nonfiction classics—to feed your soul.

To bring calmness into this fast-paced life 

To hold back and embrace emotions and to know yourself better, a book is all you need.

My current read is The ISIS Hostage by Puk Damsgard.

I’m ending this blog with a short poem I wrote on books.

“Now, it’s all being done in the past,

It’s all been written in the book,

and makes you think nothing ever lasts.

Maybe it’s something worth another look.

A string of words floats with fear.

And it encompasses all the emotions in this book.

Nothing is ever black or white.

Nothing comes easy off the hook.

I see people holding on to their past as a book.

Hating themselves more as they look”

If you have read till now, you have discovered my writing is as haphazard as it can get.

And that’s me, all over the place.

So do reach out to me and connect with me so we can share our books and recommendations and get chatty about it.


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Journey


Don’t take it serious; life’s so mysterious.
With aid indifferent and imperious,
Leading to a stroke of mad poetic thoughts to make it confute and curious,
We keep it to ourselves, with nobody else around to make us delirious,
From being confused ,or just being vicious.
Reality an antonym of being luxurious.

Years of learning, still never got it right from the start,
Incurious to the criteria which set that apart
All the little efforts were never too serious
Was termed delirium and oblivious.
On the mic of life, leave that to the experienced they say
Yet dreams reality and illusions just being a gateway
Scars and broken wings were never a full stop,
In the book of life to stand at the top.
The remedy always being the experience
That being the dangerous liaison
For ages a bane or a boon lays upon.

Let the Summer in eyes not turn to winter
Partake as it all transforms to stone.
And let the wounds be a bygone .
As mortal as dreams of our own.


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Dear girl in pyjamas

“A smile on the lips so wide,

yet there is no twinkle in her eyes.

with darkness on her side

and no one to abide. “

I know this was the line in your 4th grade notebook where you wrote “no one.” You used to hide in libraries and indulge in fiction, creating characters and storylines that were sometimes a bit out of the ordinary for a kid. That was the time when your English teacher told you you had a way with words; it boosted your confidence, yet you felt you weren’t like the other kids. You failed to fit in, and that made you terrified. Why am I telling this to you today? To see from my pov to see how far you have come and I am so proud of you. Every time you won, you topped yourself, or someone appreciated you, you couldn’t see what others saw in you. You always strived to be the best when you were already doing well. You only wanted to be the best, but sometimes better is okay and fine. So this monologue is to remind you of the tiny things you fail to notice with respect to all your flaws, which you are obsessed with in terms of improving. I am not saying that it’s wrong, but you need to accept yourself as a total package and not certain versions of you.
 
I know the world sees you with all your imperfections and flaws and is kind of judgmental, but I love the way you are—maybe more than you can imagine. I know that to reach here was difficult and realizing that you are actually worth something has been a long route, but you have made it finally. And I’m so proud of you, bruh. The girl who loves pyjamas and is happy to be stuffed in bed with some thriller novel and a glass of black coffee can be called mundane to the world, but you are happy, and that’s what matters, isn’t it?
The way you care and are ready to bring the world down for the people whom you love is something that is small yet huge. The smile on your face and how your face lights up even with the tiniest compliments is something that catches my eye. The way you play with a street dog or a toddler, or the way you tease your friends, the way you laugh as if you have had an asthma attack, and all those facial expressions when you see the cringeworthy moments, I would say those are tiny bits of you that normal people miss. Maybe your best friend is right: you would never get a boyfriend because you hate cringy stuff, cheesy dialogues, and unnecessary gifts. But it’s okay. I know you believe in understanding, loyalty, and being with them rather than monetary items. You are hardworking and determined. Your ideologies and morals are the foundation on which so many relationships exist. The world sees you as an introvert, but only a few know the real you, and I am proud of you. You are perfect in all your imperfections.
You fail to see what your friends see in you. You are so critical of yourself that you hold yourself to the highest level of accountability, and sometimes you need to let go! Maybe sometimes you don’t need to give your 100%; your 80% is more than enough for the world. Let yourself breathe, and do not confine yourself to the dictionary of life. Don’t go by the book to live your life. The words “success” and “failure” are relative. Give yourself a break too.
You weave words in such a fashion as to form reality, portraying yourself as a wandering soul.
searching in implications, to construct a paradise of your imagination. But amidst all this, you forget that you are human too! I can write about your shortcomings, but I don’t want to, not today. Because today is about celebrating the real you, the one with imperfections and flaws, and accepting you for who you are.
So, my pyjama girl with a grumpy face, you are the best in my eyes and in the eyes of all the people who love you. Certainly you have had bitter experiences, downfalls, and days when you used to binge watch, have a book marathon, or eat like you haven’t eaten in days. But it’s okay; you have come this far, and I am sure you will survive the Rubik’s cube of life.
Your’s lovingly,
The girl who knows you in and out


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Dear uncertainty

Dear uncertainty ,
Strange things can happen when faced with adversity
At this stage , i am looking at you with all urgency,
I wish a superman could have saved that aeroplane,
But thanks to you , it’s forever etched in my memory lane,
The rain god’s took out all their bash
And we took the crash,
And everything happened in such a flash
With 2020 I should have known and expected,
But you my friend , does nothing as I suspected,
And now I have accepted
Us against the universe, and human made disasters,
Covid , Flood , landslides and now a airplane crash ,

Yet i hoped for a tiny bit of Magic,
To change this whole dynamic,
And i as I look around and here I was reconnected,
For Humanity was being resurrected
Yes ,Death and these disasters leave an unbearable pain,
But we fight this together again with no complain
And this my friend is something insane
I know you will come again,
But we will sustain and remain
With lots of love and hugs to you my friend , uncertainty
Thanku for restoring my faith in humanity..

Death


I write poetry with a clear head, and my blogs are potentially written when I am vulnerable.
Now, I guess I am vulnerable and overthinking, so that definitely calls for a blog.
For me, writing as a memory is associated with my mother, because she taught me how to write, and so writing on this topic makes it even more difficult.
It took me a lot of courage to start this blog, and I am exhausted and scared to put myself out there.
The blog was an escape for me. Not to face the real world, I guess?
This whole year was excruciatingly difficult for me.
Because death came knocking on my door and it was to visit my close ones.
I wish I could romanticise death as they do in movies and books, but I can’t!
How do you deal with the anxiety and grief of such complex emotions?
Every time I thought I could pick myself up from the ashes and patch myself up, it came knocking on my door again.
Loosing people isn’t easy; you feel like it gets better every time, but boy, are you wrong.
There’s no standard equation for dealing with death.
There’s no right way to grieve. You eventually have to find peace, and sometimes the memories keep haunting you.

I had made peace with death.
Until I saw it putting claws on my mother,
That honestly scared and scarred me.
Call it a privilege, but I never thought of losing my parents. I always thought they would be there as a constant with me. Even the thought of losing them never entered my head.
And the last couple of months have been a haywire in themselves.
I can’t describe the feeling of sitting outside hospitals, talking to doctors, and having to be an adult when all I want to be is a kid.
But I knew I had to put the mask on, so I moved cities to be closer to my parents and made sure I was there for every hospital visit.
It was frightening; every test result and every diagnosis was nerve-wracking.
The number of experts we saw was insane.
But I had to pretend I was okay because someone had to be strong.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t have bad days, but I knew it would get better some day.
So I held onto that hope.
Hope has an amazing placebo effect; it makes you feel good.
But it also helps you understand what is important.
And I understood that my parents were my number one priority.
Why am I writing this at 2:30 in the night?
Because today we are back home, and my mother is okay, safe but not perfectly healthy, but I am grateful and not complaining.
I feel a lot of emotions, and the past week has been anything but turmoil.
And on those days, I am grateful for the friends I have.
I was a planner all my life, but this experience put things in perspective for me.
Why am I putting this out there? Because if someone reading this now understands the emotions that you are going through, it is pretty normal.
sadness, confusion, anger, weirdness, anxiety, feeling left out and neglected, guilt, and being overwhelmed.
I have been there, and I understand you.
Do I exactly know what you are going through? No, because every person feels it differently, but you aren’t alone.
On one side, I am eternally grateful; on the other, I am anxious too.
But I guess that’s okay.
But I have also noticed we don’t speak enough about these moments.
We don’t let the world see how vulnerable we are as people.
So let’s be compassionate about people and the times that they go through, because nobody knows what they are going through.
I know it’s a dark topic to talk about, and I will probably wake up tomorrow morning and think why did I go dark again , but I want it to be out there !!
But, I also want to celebrate the lessons that I learned through the friends that stayed with me and cheered me up.
Because I would have been a disaster if not for them.
Am I suggesting that this traumatic experience is something extraordinary?
No, because even now when I think about what I went through last month, especially last week, it was traumatising, but it did make me stronger and a bit more mature.
I also don’t know how to conclude on this because I feel like there’s no certain way to end things on topics like these.
You just have to deal with it and figure it out, and even if you do, some days are just hard..

The thoughts keep coming back and everytime it’s much scarier but I also comfort myself saying , you are strong enough to handle it. You have people to rely on and you will survive it

Just like you my friend , who is reading this

I hope you don’t go through what I went through , but I also know if you did you are strong and I am here for you….

So, here’s something I wrote during that time,

“You are like an albatross soaring the high into
Spreading happiness and wittiness spotlessly with,
The dreams of an untainted, yet childlike innocent kid at heart
The paper heart filled with art,
Full of colours , empathy and thought
A canvas to paint with so many feelings to express,
Yet when i look at you everything else seem so bland
Your light and smile hits people so hard
That you want to reciprocate
When the snowy numbness crawls on us
You are the ray of light that i turn to,
White salty tears make it’s final fall
You become my tumbler
You are the piece of my life that conceals the lifeless life ,
You are more of an anchor than a friend
To forever and always till the end “

So stay strong and lots of love,

See you in the next bloggg;!!!!


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Hate comments


Growing up, I have always been in the spotlight, with competitions and my writing. Envy felt like a part of my life, and I got used to it. Nothing could break me. Perks of growing up in an Indian household with aunties and relatives being on your back the whole time!
But yesterday and today, I received tons of messages as comments, and trust me when I say this: hate isn’t the word I would use for that. I held onto it with a grain of salt and ignored it, more so because in the social media era, it’s common, but there was a feeling inside me that I couldn’t pinpoint, a feeling that it was someone I knew.
That would be devastating even for me.
I went into “gossip girl” mode with my friends, and they kept telling me I was overthinking as usual. Then another series of comments followed, calling me a slut, and a whore, and using all the slurs in the English dictionary, to bringing up my descendants, my parents, and even comments on my dating life, which is non-existent by the way!
Every time I put those comments in spam, I was this close to losing my mind. I wanted to reach out to that person to ask if he or she was okay. Creating a fake email with my username and then commenting on my posts felt more like personal vengeance to me, or he is utterly jobless.
But I didn’t reply or respond because I felt like it wasn’t worth it.
Yes , I know I have another set of amazing readers and friends whose empathetic voices I can hear inside my head screaming at me to ignore that person.
But I can’t, because it does affect you. I am not a brick, I have feelings too; I feel a lot, and this made me question a lot of things: should I have started this blog; was my poetry better hidden from the world; did I hurt someone so much that he was ready to go to this extent?
Am I a good person, or is my poetry sheer luck, as he calls it?
This feels like chaos, but all those thoughts came rushing into my mind when I read that.
Now, I know what most of you guys are thinking: she has unresolved insecurities. I don’t, because I am in a very good space.
But when I read a series of 15–20 essay comments by one person, all those insecurities that I had dealt with and had locked inside some deep chamber of my brain came back.
Am I ranting? Did it affect me? yes
Short and simple.
Because it straight up felt like bullying and pushing me into a corner, knowing exactly what buttons to push to trigger me.
and that makes me wonder. it’s a person who knows me or a sadist internet troll.
maybe that part hurt more, if it was a nameless troll hiding behind a computer screen saying my poetry sucks, I wouldn’t be so affected.

How did he know which buttons to push? So, I was adamant it was someone I knew.
So here I was going through my friends list to figure out who the person was. I went through all the scenarios, and I couldn’t find that person.
Would I like to know who it is? no,
because no matter who the person is—even if it’s a troll—he got me engagement and views.
for that, I am grateful.
and after a lot of unpaid therapy sessions with my friends, I figured it wasn’t someone I know.
because no one I know would go to this extent.

A troll who went through all my poems and writings, seeking inspiration from his life and wrote long paras for me , its romantic !!!

I am intrigued!!! Honestly in some fucked up universe, I would have even admired that person…Just kidding!!
and I had to remind myself that I am worth a lot of things and that my poetry is an expression of my imagination. maybe it’s sheer luck, but I am glad I have that luck and some amazing people who made me the person that I am today.
Why am I ranting like this? because it made me feel a lot of things, anxiety and dread are two of them.
Why am I posting it?
I don’t know, honestly; I can give the textbook answer that I want people to be sympathetic and have better things to do.
and I am sorry that you decided to vent all your anger on my page with some very , brutal wild and vulgar messages.
but thank you for the engagement.
you are my well-wisher!

This topic ends here , because I am not letting a nameless Internet troll who is probably drunk , keeps thinking about me to live in my head rent-free !!! I knew I had to write it out to let it all out !!;

I also found some very important learnings from this encounter , you need good people around you or its very easy to go down the spiral of insecurities and self hate .

And things affect people more in ways that people can’t imagine.It’s important to have criticism, but there’s a very big difference between criticism and hatred.
(yes, please shower me with healthy criticism; I need it.)
and no, I am not playing the self-pity card on getting hate. I knew long ago that on social media I would get hate, and I’m not going to take it personally, but this time it got to me. Next time, I will try to be better.

And I am going to take this opportunity to grow, because I have a lot to unlearn and learn.
So, I am going to focus on the good things, my beloved readers, and my good friends, and I am going to empathize with my haters.
and my “well-wisher” who spammed my comment section thank you for the content and a topic to write a blog on!
Please keep inspiring me to write because I am planning to stick around for a long while …

Lots of love…..


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