I was a quiet kid, and then my amazing best friend came along in school. She pushed me to go outside of my box so the world could see the fireball that I was. The adrenaline rush that I got from speaking, debate, quizzes still gives me goosebumps. I won trophies, and the world saw me as a smart, sarcastic, and even some said intellectual person. Everything was picture-perfect, and then I stopped.
Why? I got overwhelmed.
I went inside my shell and only let a few people inside my brain.
I could paint a thousand villains for making me feel all this, but more so, somewhere along the line, I knew it was me.
Yeah, you read it right; I am the anti-hero of my story.
Quite the dramatic intro, isn’t it?
Recently, I read the poem ” I am a Screw-Up” by Tanmay. This series of thoughts came after that. and this deserves all the attention.
(P.S. This isn’t a pity party post; it’s my villain arc story.)
Each of us possesses a life story that influences how we see ourselves and the world. However, at times, this narrative can portray us as the antagonist, imposing limitations on our potential and hindering personal development.
It took me a lot of time to see that I am the writer, and we possess the ability to identify and modify this narrative, thereby transforming ourselves into the protagonists of our tales.
Does it happen overnight? No,
It’s a slow and gradual process.
Most days you wake up as a hero, and other days you wake up as a villain.
And if you ask me honestly, once in a while, it’s good to be the villain of your story because it gives you a perspective that you don’t tend to see. But there’s a very fine line, and that’s difficult to maintain as it can often turn to self-loathing and be detrimental to our mental health. Following is a list that helped me liberate myself from the constraints of self-perception, how I identified detrimental patterns and my slow, gradual steps to rewriting my story.
Is it an exhaustive list? No.
Do you, I say!
1. Self-Reflection:
When the stack of self-help books kept chanting self-reflection, I never got the hype around it. Until I started journaling. I never did anything fancy or used the prompts in the books. Are they wrong? No, but it wouldn’t have worked for me.
So I just sat down with paper and pen and started writing.
Honestly, it felt weird because I’m used to typing on a laptop, but this felt more personal and even borderline invasive.
Words became sentences, sentences became paragraphs, and eventually, it was all soaked in tears.
Was it easy? No, and yes.
It requires introspection and a willingness to examine thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that contribute to self-perception.
Did it help? Yes
This process helped me gain awareness and understanding of the patterns that kept me stuck in the role of the villain. It’s very important to be in your safe space so that you can explore your past experiences, beliefs, and actions. And then ask these questions:
What events or experiences led me to believe I was the villain in my story?
How have these beliefs influenced my actions and relationships?
These questions and thoughts helped me uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and assumptions that had shaped my self-perception.
Challenging Limiting Beliefs
As kids, we used to question everything and nothing. Now we don’t.
When did we limit ourselves? Why did we?
Somewhere along the line, all the questions lead to the same answer: deep-rooted limiting beliefs.
I started to question their origin. In my story, it was instilled in me by others and developed as a defence mechanism to cope. I knew I had to wake up and challenge myself. So I started asking these questions: It’s crucial to identify these beliefs and challenge them.
The beliefs that were limiting me
Are they based on evidence or assumptions? Are they still relevant and helpful in my life?
I started gathering pieces of evidence, and I sought out positive feedback and validation from trusted individuals to provide me with a different perspective.
I gradually started replacing the limiting beliefs with empowering ones that reflect me and help identify me with my full and true potential.
Taking responsibility and accountability
I knew words could only help me to some extent; actions had to be followed up
I had to take accountability,
Acknowledge my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t want to hold grudges anymore. I didn’t want to torment myself anymore in the cycle of victimhood. Instead, I want to own up to being me, and even if it’s an imperfect mess, I will still be happy.
Reflecting on the times when I may have acted in ways that were not aligned with my values Taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions without dwelling on guilt or self-blame Recognising that making mistakes is part of being human and that it is through mistakes that we learn and grow
I think when I started embracing accountability, I empowered myself to make different choices moving forward. Learning from my past actions, committing to making amends if necessary, and striving to act in ways that align with the hero I want to become Or at least for the version that I want to be.
Empathy and Compassion: Transforming Relationships
Breaking the villainous narrative goes beyond self-reflection; it also involves transforming our relationships with others.
Why don’t we talk about empathy?
Society wants us to be hard and driven but forgets that being humane isn’t being weak.
It’s important to understand that everyone has their struggles and motivations, which may have influenced their actions in the past.
Recognising that actions may have been influenced by circumstances, insecurities, or past traumas .Extending this understanding to others as well, allowing space for forgiveness and healing.
Cultivating open and honest communication with the people in my life was very life-changing for me.I am still learning
It wasn’t and isn’t easy. I’m taking small, gradual steps every day.
Embracing change and growth
I hate change. I am inflexible like that. But lately, I have been liking change. It helped me grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me enjoy my own company.
This list sounds very fancy, right? But there was nothing fancy about it! It wasn’t aesthetically pleasing; some days it was hard, some days manageable.
Why did I do all this? Somewhere, I wanted to become the catalyst of my story.
To rewrite my role as the villain in my life story, I wanted to create a new narrative that empowers and uplifts me.
I started visualising it and made a movie out of it in my head with lots of BGM.
Recognising and rewriting the narrative that casts us as the villains in our life stories is a transformative journey. It requires self-reflection, challenging limiting beliefs, taking responsibility, cultivating empathy and compassion, embracing change and growth, and creating a new narrative that empowers us as the heroes of our own stories.
Is this the end of my TED talk? I guess so.
Honestly, I am not telling or preaching that I am completely out of my villain arc era! No.
A big fat No.
But I have also understood that this process is not linear and may require ongoing effort and commitment. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes along the way. Being kind is important.
I believe By breaking free from the constraints of self-perception, we can embrace our true potential, forge meaningful connections, and live a life filled with purpose and fulfilment. It’s time to rewrite our story and become the hero we were always meant to be. Trust in your ability to create a narrative that reflects your strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. The power to shape your story lies within you.
Because you, my love, deserve so much more!So go be the hero !!!!!!. Till then sending you lots of hugs, love and positivity!!!!!
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