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Breaking the Narrative: How to Recognise and Rewrite Your Role as the Villain in Your Life Story

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I was a quiet kid, and then my amazing best friend came along in school. She pushed me to go outside of my box so the world could see the fireball that I was. The adrenaline rush that I got from speaking, debate, quizzes still gives me goosebumps. I won trophies, and the world saw me as a smart, sarcastic, and even some said intellectual person. Everything was picture-perfect, and then I stopped.

Why? I got overwhelmed.

I went inside my shell and only let a few people inside my brain.

I could paint a thousand villains for making me feel all this, but more so, somewhere along the line, I knew it was me.

Yeah, you read it right; I am the anti-hero of my story.

Quite the dramatic intro, isn’t it?




Recently, I read the poem ” I am a Screw-Up” by Tanmay. This series of thoughts came after that. and this deserves all the attention.

(P.S. This isn’t a pity party post; it’s my villain arc story.)

Each of us possesses a life story that influences how we see ourselves and the world. However, at times, this narrative can portray us as the antagonist, imposing limitations on our potential and hindering personal development.

It took me a lot of time to see that I am the writer, and we possess the ability to identify and modify this narrative, thereby transforming ourselves into the protagonists of our tales.

Does it happen overnight? No,

It’s a slow and gradual process.

Most days you wake up as a hero, and other days you wake up as a villain.

And if you ask me honestly, once in a while, it’s good to be the villain of your story because it gives you a perspective that you don’t tend to see. But there’s a very fine line, and that’s difficult to maintain as it can often turn to self-loathing and be detrimental to our mental health. Following is a list that helped me liberate myself from the constraints of self-perception, how I identified detrimental patterns and my slow, gradual steps to rewriting my story.

Is it an exhaustive list? No.

Do you, I say!

1. Self-Reflection: 

When the stack of self-help books kept chanting self-reflection, I never got the hype around it. Until I started journaling. I never did anything fancy or used the prompts in the books. Are they wrong? No, but it wouldn’t have worked for me.

So I just sat down with paper and pen and started writing.

Honestly, it felt weird because I’m used to typing on a laptop, but this felt more personal and even borderline invasive.

Words became sentences, sentences became paragraphs, and eventually, it was all soaked in tears.

Was it easy? No, and yes.

It requires introspection and a willingness to examine thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that contribute to self-perception.

Did it help? Yes

This process helped me gain awareness and understanding of the patterns that kept me stuck in the role of the villain. It’s very important to be in your safe space so that you can explore your past experiences, beliefs, and actions. And then ask these questions:

What events or experiences led me to believe I was the villain in my story?

How have these beliefs influenced my actions and relationships?

These questions and thoughts helped me uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and assumptions that had shaped my self-perception.




Challenging Limiting Beliefs

As kids, we used to question everything and nothing. Now we don’t.

When did we limit ourselves? Why did we?

Somewhere along the line, all the questions lead to the same answer: deep-rooted limiting beliefs.

I started to question their origin. In my story, it was instilled in me by others and developed as a defence mechanism to cope. I knew I had to wake up and challenge myself. So I started asking these questions: It’s crucial to identify these beliefs and challenge them.

The beliefs that were limiting me

Are they based on evidence or assumptions? Are they still relevant and helpful in my life?

I started gathering pieces of evidence, and I sought out positive feedback and validation from trusted individuals to provide me with a different perspective.

I gradually started replacing the limiting beliefs with empowering ones that reflect me and help identify me with my full and true potential.

Taking responsibility and accountability

I knew words could only help me to some extent; actions had to be followed up
I had to take accountability,

Acknowledge my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t want to hold grudges anymore. I didn’t want to torment myself anymore in the cycle of victimhood. Instead, I want to own up to being me, and even if it’s an imperfect mess, I will still be happy.

Reflecting on the times when I may have acted in ways that were not aligned with my values Taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions without dwelling on guilt or self-blame Recognising that making mistakes is part of being human and that it is through mistakes that we learn and grow

I think when I started embracing accountability, I empowered myself to make different choices moving forward. Learning from my past actions, committing to making amends if necessary, and striving to act in ways that align with the hero I want to become Or at least for the version that I want to be.




Empathy and Compassion: Transforming Relationships

Breaking the villainous narrative goes beyond self-reflection; it also involves transforming our relationships with others.

Why don’t we talk about empathy?

Society wants us to be hard and driven but forgets that being humane isn’t being weak.

It’s important to understand that everyone has their struggles and motivations, which may have influenced their actions in the past.

Recognising that actions may have been influenced by circumstances, insecurities, or past traumas .Extending this understanding to others as well, allowing space for forgiveness and healing.


Cultivating open and honest communication with the people in my life was very life-changing for me.I am still learning

It wasn’t and isn’t easy. I’m taking small, gradual steps every day.

Embracing change and growth

I hate change. I am inflexible like that. But lately, I have been liking change. It helped me grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me enjoy my own company.

This list sounds very fancy, right? But there was nothing fancy about it! It wasn’t aesthetically pleasing; some days it was hard, some days manageable.

Why did I do all this? Somewhere, I wanted to become the catalyst of my story.

To rewrite my role as the villain in my life story, I wanted to create a new narrative that empowers and uplifts me.

I started visualising it and made a movie out of it in my head with lots of BGM.

Recognising and rewriting the narrative that casts us as the villains in our life stories is a transformative journey. It requires self-reflection, challenging limiting beliefs, taking responsibility, cultivating empathy and compassion, embracing change and growth, and creating a new narrative that empowers us as the heroes of our own stories.

Is this the end of my TED talk? I guess so.

Honestly, I am not telling or preaching that I am completely out of my villain arc era! No.

A big fat No.

But I have also understood that this process is not linear and may require ongoing effort and commitment. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes along the way. Being kind is important.

I believe By breaking free from the constraints of self-perception, we can embrace our true potential, forge meaningful connections, and live a life filled with purpose and fulfilment. It’s time to rewrite our story and become the hero we were always meant to be. Trust in your ability to create a narrative that reflects your strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. The power to shape your story lies within you.

Because you, my love, deserve so much more!So go be the hero !!!!!!. Till then sending you lots of hugs, love and positivity!!!!!

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Blogs

My June TBR: A Journey Through Diverse Worlds

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As the summer sun begins to warm the days and the promise of relaxation beckons, I find myself eagerly planning my reading adventures for June. With a diverse collection of books waiting patiently on my shelf, I’m excited to delve into a wide range of genres, explore new perspectives, and immerse myself in captivating narratives. Join me as I unveil my June To-Be-Read (TBR) list and share my thoughts on the books that will accompany me on this literary journey.

Am I being too ambitious? Maybe, but I am on my reading mood recently and I want to hit my target of 100 books this year ;

House swap by Rebecca fleet 

A house swap becomes the eerie backdrop to a crumbling marriage, a long-buried affair, and the fatal consequences that unfold after a house swap. I think it fits in the mystery genre !! Let’s hope it gets me swapped!!

India from Curzon to Nehru and After by Durga Das

I have always been a fan of Indian political history and so, I decided to delve into this deeper. It has anecdotes and personal insights and it’s termed as a masterpiece by the booktube community. Let’s hope it doesn’t put me to sleep.

The housemaid

This book has been raved in the book community and is also available in the Kindle unlimited free edition. So I thought I would give it a go. They say it’s a mix of The Woman in the Window, The Wife Between Us and The Girl on the Train and that combo makes it way too exciting. I might not put the books down of the reviews 

Good girls bad blood & As good as dead

I read good girl’s Guide to Murder and it was a good read .so I want to finish the series to give a detailed opinion. But I have only heard good things about this series, so I am excited as it’s a murder mystery with a strong female character.

I want to die but I want to eat Tteokbokki

The title is bizarre but the excerpt is very intriguing. It’s part memoir part self-help book, a transcript of her convos with her psychiatrist. To the world she is composed but deep within she is broken, helpless and overwhelmed. This book is like Tteokbokki hot and warm, feeds your soul when you feel you are alone. As a person who has her bad days, I want to get to see it through someone else’s eyes! So yeah, let’s see how it goes

The Ex talk

As the rainy days kick in I know I need romance. So here it is, a second chance romance between two exes and a radio show !!! Let’s hope it’s spicy hot and cheesy adding flair to my life. I don’t want to spoil it too much because then there’s no fun in it!!

This is the list right now that I have in mind, I need to finish these books so I can buy more books. Yes, I have a book addiction but I m not complaining!!!!!!

I might add some books too if I finish these!!

Will keep you updated.

 Hopefully, with this enticing assortment of books, it will accompany me throughout June. I think my TBR is a mix, a promise, and a diverse range of narratives that will transport me to different worlds, challenge my perspectives, and ignite my imagination. From exploring themes of identity and belonging to immersing myself in magical realms and legendary tales, this June TBR represents an exciting journey through literature. I am eagerly anticipating the moments of introspection, escapism, and sheer joy that these books will undoubtedly bring. Here’s to a month of captivating stories and unforgettable experiences!

 Do comment on your June tbr lists !!! Also, add in your recommendations!!How did the month of may go for you guys ???

 

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Blogs

Has reading lost its charm ?

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Being in the 21st century, where everything is fast-paced, I feel like reading has been forgotten. Especially introspecting my life, I felt reading has lost its path, and what exists now is valorized reading.

Something like reading for the sake of reading

As we jump from one sensation to another, from one controversy to another, with an Instagram filter on our minds, this makes me realize that somewhere along the line I forgot to read and that a lot of other people did too.

We can blame it on our short attention span, but at the end of the day, we all reach out for something easy, short, and instrumental, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it because we live in perpetual amnesia that is triggered by the world being fast and urgent. 

The constant feeling that I will miss out is something that triggers me to take my phone almost every hour, and it’s also something that has triggered a lot of anxiety in these last couple of months.

As I wrote down my thoughts, I figured I had given up on reading and writing somewhere along the line.

And this is an attempt to get back to reading.

If you, my friend, also gave up on reading, you can start again. I’m here to accompany you.

For me, the earliest memories of reading were when I was three and on train journeys. How dad used to get me a magic pot so that I wouldn’t be an annoyance

I am still an annoyance, but my love for books is something that hasn’t left.

Being brought up in a humble household, one of the things that my parents never said no to was books. I used to demand books as presents for every exam I passed. 

I still remember borrowing books from friends and libraries and finishing them in two to three days because I loved the rush.

It came to a point where I was reading Jeffery Archer’s When the Crow Flies instead of my history books before my 10th board exams.

Do I regret it? Noooooo

The rush of having that imagination, the rush of going into a parallel universe where I portray the main character, seeing myself in situations, deciding what I would have done and what I wouldn’t, and complex storylines with spicy images keep playing in my head as a slow-motion movie. Enough that someday I could lend my brain cells to Elon Musk to make an extraordinarily brilliant movie.

All these emotions and memories are something that is beyond description.

Books have led me to a web of my past, present, and future, like an island universe that’s interlinked but not yet linked.

For me, a book does affect me; I feel pangs of grief, motivation, empathy, and all the emotions in between as the character develops. It is a small, intimate space of mine that nobody else has access to—sort of a mysterious realm.

Nothing is linear in life, and as life progresses, one of the things that I gave up was books.

Is there a specific reason? No 

But I kind of discovered recently that one of the reasons why I had given up on reading was the anxiety in choosing a book.

The fear that I would miss out on this year’s nominations, what if it isn’t good, and this eventually felt like a job, not the one I liked, Going through reviews and feeding on people’s opinions got so tedious that for me reading lost its wonder in this process.

I missed picking out random books from shelves, going with my gut, and thinking it might be a hit. Even if it wasn’t, I would at least be able to take something away.

Now, this screams of slobbishness and elitism, but it is what it is: I was consumed by valorized reading, and I started mimicking other people’s choices instead of giving in to what my heart wanted.

Now, why am I writing this? Humans as a whole are very creative animals, and creativity being the buzzword in this digital era, I wanted to start reading again , be soaked in creative juices .

And I have started again, and the feeling is amazing—not bound by social pressures but doing something from a thick desire.

I don’t want to be a person who is limited to WhatsApp archives; I want to go beyond the perfect sentences and let imagination take its toll. And for this reason, books are my comfort space.

Feel sheer joy and delight, feel uncomfortable, have butterflies in your stomach, cry, and feel all the emotions as I turn every page.

I would say you also just need to give a short

I’m not going to preach a lot, but in the end, there’s so much knowledge to consume. Take anything—a newsletter, audiobooks, nonfiction classics—to feed your soul.

To bring calmness into this fast-paced life 

To hold back and embrace emotions and to know yourself better, a book is all you need.

My current read is The ISIS Hostage by Puk Damsgard.

I’m ending this blog with a short poem I wrote on books.

“Now, it’s all being done in the past,

It’s all been written in the book,

and makes you think nothing ever lasts.

Maybe it’s something worth another look.

A string of words floats with fear.

And it encompasses all the emotions in this book.

Nothing is ever black or white.

Nothing comes easy off the hook.

I see people holding on to their past as a book.

Hating themselves more as they look”

If you have read till now, you have discovered my writing is as haphazard as it can get.

And that’s me, all over the place.

So do reach out to me and connect with me so we can share our books and recommendations and get chatty about it.

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Poems

Goodbye, my crush

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Dear crush,
I have some words to weave,
So that I can let you finally leave,
We met as mutuals,
We clicked instantly, the timing a bit unusual,
We texted long convos nothing like my usual,
I wish I could just put everything back to neutral.
Emotions, feelings I tried to make it hush,
Yet it seemed something that I couldn’t brush,
And then you become my internet crush.
Weirdly enough making me all time blush,
And  you made me feel all the romantic  rush.
You made me feel comfortable in my skin,
Acquaintance or friend, I didn’t know where to sink in,
I wanted it to be something more,
You were something that I have never had before.
I pretended to be unbothered but I was scared,
Because it was all new and I was unprepared.
You were the scintilla And your eyes bought me that,
It used to lighten up my darkest nights,
A glimpse of a text, I glimmer,
Used to help me shine even brighter,
Battling my insecurities and the dark thoughts I was in,
Yet you were never mine to begin.
I was my free annoying sarcastic self with you,
You were everything wonderful, perfect, and true.
Our conversations kept me alive and shining,
Till you found me annoying.
I never intended that but it came to that point,
From your viewpoint, I was a disappoint.
I finally moved away from the city,
I wish there was no nitty gritty,
Yet we were somewhere in touch,
Months passed and everything in me screamed
I wasn’t good enough
Maybe withholding from making a move
But for you, I wanted to make an improve
We talked., I wanted to know you so much more
That I stayed for you to open up
I patiently waiting for your nothing to turn into my sup
I knew it was difficult, you had your issues
But I was always ready with my tissues
But somewhere in the weird what-if scenarios
I knew I could do that, highly optimistic
But boy was I wrong, I wasn’t realistic
You were closed off and shut me off
Yet I tried harder to break through your shell
Though I knew in you somewhere I fell.
Then I moved back to the city,
And you asked us to meet,
I was happy and cynical and giddy.
It never happened ,I was devastated..
Everything got complicated ,yet I waited,
But I consoled myself telling it was okay,
Maybe someday?
Until there wouldn’t be, as I lashed out on you,
You called me annoying and finally, I broke down.
Days later I apologized yet I knew something in us was broken.
We were never going back to being friends,
I knew this is exactly where it ends.
Days later I realized, did I know you at all??
Maybe I didn’t, I just indulged myself in too many scenarios..
I thought I knew you.
I knew a tiny part of you, which I m grateful,
But today I m heartbroken.
I m away from the city, conversations playing in my head,
Waiting for this moment to never come,
My breathing is heavy and broken,
As I write this ,as my grief speaks in poetry unspoken,
But I m kissing my memories with teary-eyed
I have too many words to tell yet I am all numb and heartbroken
As goodbyes I know can never be outspoken or forespoken.
Yet not letting you go
But I know I have to let you go
So this is the letter i weave,
Because I m not the princess in your story.
I walked in your path and had my world collide,
I m glad I did because it’s a labyrinth.
Even if right now, my sorrow is significant,
Bearing it makes me crushed and mystified,
But I don’t want all this to be Trapped inside,
Because in this process I found me,
The writer and character, the setting, and the plot
But I will nevertheless miss you
You were my story to weave
Hence I take my leave……

(Ps All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental)

Thanku for reading till the end , lots of love!!!!!

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