Tag Archives: failure

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Am I A Loser: My Journey Feeling lost

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Hey there, it’s me, just an average person with an overwhelming sense of brokenness and loss. I have been a mess lately. Have you ever felt like holding you so tightly that you feel suffocated ????Have you ever seen as a Loser

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Loser Lost in chaos

Today, I want to rant about my journey through this emotional whirlwind, and the nagging question that keeps me up at night: “Am I a loser?”” Why do I feel so lost “

**The Privilege Paradox: Feeling Too Damn Lucky**

I’ll admit it; I am privileged in many ways. I had access to a good education, a supportive family, and a relatively comfy life. But here’s the thing – privilege doesn’t spare you from the inner battles. It doesn’t protect you from the constant feeling that you’re falling short.

You see when I think about privilege, I can’t help but wrestle with a paradox. I’ve grown up with advantages that many others don’t have. I never had to worry about where my next meal would come from, and I had access to quality education. I had a safety net of loving parents who were always there for me. On paper, I was incredibly fortunate.

But sometimes, that very privilege can lead to feelings of guilt and confusion. You start to wonder, “Why am I feeling this way when I have so much going for me?” It’s a strange and challenging feeling when you realize that your privileges, which should make you feel secure, end up making you question your worth.

**From Top of the Class to Rock Bottom**

Once upon a time, I was that student who aced exams, the one everyone thought was going to conquer the world. I consistently topped my class, received accolades and praise, and I had a clear path ahead of me. I was ambitious and had high hopes for my future.

But somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of purpose. The world started to blur, and my goals felt like distant stars. It’s strange how the same person who was once at the top can feel like they’re at the bottom. It’s like life took a wild turn, and I wasn’t ready for it.

The transition from a high-achieving student to feeling like a complete underachiever can be emotionally overwhelming. I constantly question what went wrong. I reminisce about the times when I was on top of the world and wonder how I ended up here, in this state of self-doubt and uncertainty.

And that’s where I am at! In the cycle of what ifs and what could have been !!

**Dreams vs. Reality: It’s Scary AF**

We all have this picture-perfect life in our minds, right? I sure did. The problem is when reality doesn’t match our dream world, it’s a scary place to be. I’m terrified that I might never get to live the life I envisioned, and that’s a heavy weight to carry.

I had a vision of how my life would unfold. I thought I’d have a successful career and financial stability. But life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at you. Maybe it was the job I didn’t get, the relationship that didn’t work out, or the unexpected health issues. Suddenly, I found myself far from the picture-perfect life I had painted in my mind.

This disparity between my dreams and reality can be paralyzing. It’s not just scary; it’s downright petrifying. I often wonder if I am doomed to fall short of the grand expectations I have set for myself. It’s a constant struggle to reconcile my dreams with the way life is actually unfolding.

**The Fear of Being a Loser: It’s a Real Struggle**

The fear of being a loser haunts me. It’s this constant, gnawing sensation that I’m somehow failing at life. I guess it’s natural to want to be successful, to feel validated. But let’s be real – your worth isn’t determined by what you’ve achieved. It’s not about being on top; it’s about the journey. This is the thought that keeps me sane now.

We live in a world that places a tremendous emphasis on success and achievement. Whether it’s the pressure to have a high-paying job, a beautiful home, a loving family, or a long list of accomplishments, the fear of not measuring up to these societal standards can be debilitating.

The fear of being a loser can creep in when we compare ourselves to others who seem to have it all together. Social media doesn’t help either; it’s a highlight reel of people’s best moments. When I scroll through those perfectly curated lives, I can’t help but feel like I am falling short. It’s easy to forget that everyone faces struggles and challenges, even if they don’t share them on Instagram. That there’s a difference between reel and real life.


Somewhere along the line, on the good days, I believe that my worth isn’t determined by my job title, my relationship status, or the number of likes on my social media posts. I am probably not defined by my accomplishments or lack thereof. My worth comes from within, from the values I hold, the love I give, and the resilience I show in the face of adversity.

**Finding My Way in the Darkness**

I’m in a dark place right now. Feeling lost, feeling broken – it’s hard to put into words. But I’ve decided it’s okay to be here. It’s okay to be not okay, reach out to friends. My privilege can be my strength – it can help me bounce back.

Ultimately, I want to tell myself and anyone else who’s been in my shoes that you’re not a loser. You’re a human being with the power to find your way through the mess, redefine your goals, and make your life meaningful. It’s okay to feel lost, but what you do with that feeling matters. Let’s take one step at a time on this emotional rollercoaster of a journey we call life.

I’m still navigating this journey but determined to find my way. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m ready to embrace the uncertainty and learn from it. If you’re feeling lost and like a loser too, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to take one small step at a time. We’re all in this together, trying to make sense of our unique and complex journeys. And remember, you are not a loser – you’re a fighter, a survivor, and you have the potential to overcome your doubts and fears.

Yeah this is me from a past couple of weeks !!!

I think thats why I wanted this blog to do really well because somewhere I wanted to feel I was good at something !!!

I m getting there I guess but I m okay honestly!!!

So stay with me and shower me with lots of love and blessings in the comments.

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Thanku for staying till the end

Sending you lots of love and hugs !!!

Blogs

My Struggle With Declining WordPress Views

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Hello, fellow bloggers! I hope you are doing better than me. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me lately, and I just needed to express my frustration about the declining views on my WordPress blog. So, let’s get personal and dive into my blogging journey.

You know, there was a time when my blog was flourishing. I started publishing, and within a few hours the notifications started coming in. I felt like I was on top of the world, and my confidence soared. But now, it is a different story. That information has become elusive, and I’m left wondering if I’m doing something terribly wrong.

First, let me address the elephant in the room: Is it just me, or has blogging lost its allure? Well, maybe it’s a little bit of both. The digital landscape has evolved very rapidly, and it’s not the same as it was when I started. Competition is fierce, and readers’ attention spans have greatly shortened. It’s like trying to stand out in a crowded room where everyone is shouting.

I’ve tried everything I could think of. I’ve changed up my posting schedule, experimented with different content, and even dabbled in SEO. It seemed to work for a while, but then, it all went haywire again. It’s like playing a never-ending game of trial and error, and it’s seriously frustrating.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. In the blogging community, there is a sense of solidarity in our struggles. I have talked to other bloggers and many of them are facing the same problem. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, but it’s also frustrating to see so many talented writers struggling to make their voices heard.

What makes it even more confusing is that there doesn’t seem to be any straightforward solution. It’s like trying to crack a code that keeps changing. What worked last year may not work today. To say the least, it’s making me feel ignorant and frustrated.

But despite all the challenges, there is something about blogging that keeps drawing me back. Perhaps it’s the thrill of connecting with readers, the joy of expressing your ideas, or the satisfaction of seeing your ideas come to life on screen. It’s a passion that’s hard to give up, no matter how frustrating it may be.

So, as I embark on this tumultuous journey of blogging with sinking thoughts, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a silver lining waiting for me. Maybe it’s about embracing changes, finding new ways to engage your audience, and never giving up. After all, it’s not just about the numbers; It’s about the love of writing and sharing your thoughts with the world.

In the end, I may be clueless and frustrated, but I’m not ready to give up just yet. Blogging may have lost some of its allure, and the struggle is real, but it’s a passion that runs deep. And who knows, maybe one day, I’ll crack the code, and those visions will start coming again. Until then, I’ll keep typing, hoping for that defining moment. Dear readers, thank you for being a part of my journey and giving me personal insight into my WordPress problems.

Are you guys facing the same issue??

Do tell me !!!

Blogs

My Rollercoaster of Love and Loss: Bidding Farewell to Unrequited Feelings

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Life has an uncanny way of throwing curveballs our way when we least expect them. After a heart-wrenching breakup, I found myself navigating the choppy waters of the dating world once again. Little did I know that this wild journey would introduce me to someone who would make my heart race, even if it was just for a hot minute. Our paths crossed on Bumble, of all places, and that’s where the rollercoaster ride of emotions began.

Our story kicked off like any other in this digital age, with a swipe right and a whole lot of hope. Those early conversations were stilted and awkward, just like any online dating encounter. But as time marched on, something magical started to brew.

Late-night chats soon became the norm, and I found myself eagerly awaiting our nightly rendezvous. Our conversations flowed effortlessly, without the obligatory small talk that usually plagues these online encounters. We shared stories, dreams, and secrets, and I couldn’t help but feel myself drawn deeper into this stranger on the other side of the screen.

Before I knew it, I was head over heels, genuinely liking him. His sense of humor, his zest for life, and the way he hung on to every word I said, it all made him incredibly endearing. In those late-night conversations, my heart started to thaw, and I felt that elusive spark of connection and possibility, a feeling that had been absent from my life since my breakup.

Although we never explicitly defined our relationship or made any promises, the feelings I had for him were undeniable. The ambiguity of it all added a dose of excitement to the mix. We were two people standing on the brink of something special, and it was exhilarating.

But, as life often does, it took a detour down Cruelty Street. He began to vanish from my life, as if our connection had been a fleeting dream. Our late-night conversations grew sparse, and the buzz of excitement that had once filled my heart turned into a dull, persistent ache.

I was left bewildered, trying to make sense of what went wrong. Why did he, someone who seemed so promising, begin to fade from my life? The answer remained elusive, but the result was clear – he was slipping away, and I was left grappling with emptiness and unanswered questions.

I understood that without any formal commitment, he was free to make his choices, just as I was. Modern dating is a complex, uncertain world, and we were no exception. Yet, my heart was not privy to the rules of modern dating. It was a tangled mess of emotions, caught between the freedom to explore and the hope for something deeper.

As I reflect on those days, I’m reminded of how fragile our hearts can be, and how love can be a capricious beast. My heart had dared to open up, to hope and dream, and to genuinely like someone. Yet, the absence of a formal commitment didn’t diminish the sting of his disappearance. It felt like I had left a part of myself hanging in the balance, and letting go was far from easy.

So, this is my goodbye to those unrequited feelings. It’s a nod to their presence and the role they played in my life. It’s not a bitter farewell, not a send-off with a grudge. Instead, it’s a bittersweet adieu, a tribute to the moments we shared and the emotions we stirred in each other.

I have no regrets about opening my heart. In fact, I’m thankful for the experience. It served as a reminder that love is worth the risks, even if it concludes with unreciprocated feelings. It taught me that vulnerability is a strength, and the ability to feel deeply is a beautiful part of being human.

As I say farewell to these feelings, I carry the lessons from this chapter with me. It reminds me that love is often unpredictable, free from rhyme or reason. It doesn’t always fit within our expectations or timelines. Sometimes, it’s just a fleeting moment, a beautiful encounter that leaves an indelible mark on our hearts.

Looking ahead, I’ll hold those late-night conversations dear, treasuring them as part of my journey. I know that this is just one chapter, not the end of my story. And as I move forward, I’ll take with me the hope that someday, I’ll meet someone who truly values the genuine connection I have to offer. Someone who reciprocates the feelings and is ready to explore the potential for something profound. Until that day comes, I’ll embrace the capricious nature of love and the unpredictable, sometimes painful, journey it takes us on.

So long, unrequited feelings. You were an integral part of my journey, and I’ll forever remember the moments we shared. In the grand mosaic of life, you were a thread, adding depth and complexity to my story.

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Blogs

“Turning Haters into Motivators: My Journey of Rising from Hate”**

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I know I was M.I.A from writing and wordpress.Honestly the last month was haunting and filled with pain and loss . I found writing and publishing meaningless because every post I used to post , the hate comments would swirl in .


I agree hate is a reminder that you are growing in your writing journey but it got overwhelming for me

And I stopped writing. But my friends pulled me out of that spiral and I am so grateful that I have such amazing people.

So now I have decided to give the torch to you , just remember your aren’t alone…

Alright, let’s talk real stuff. We’re in this digital jungle, and hate comments? Yeah, they’re like the gnarly thorns in our social media journey. But you know what’s wild? I managed to spin those hate bombs into something kinda beautiful. Buckle up, because I’m about to share my story of how I danced through the storm of negativity and turned those hate comments into my personal boosters.

Was it easyyy??? Hell Nooo

**Facing the Hate Tornado:**
Picture this: your phone buzzes, and you check to find a hate comment. Bam! It’s like getting a slap from the universe. My first hate comment hit like a freight train to the soul. The venomous words made my confidence take a nosedive. Sleep? Nah, it was a VIP ticket to the land of overthinking. But guess what? I wasn’t the only warrior in this battle, and that’s kinda comforting yet equally disturbing.

**Bouncing Back with Resilience:**
So, I had a choice to make. Was I gonna let some keyboard warrior determine my self-worth? Heck no! I decided to rock emotional armor like a boss. I mean, everyone’s entitled to their opinion, even if it’s dipped in bitterness. Coping? Yeah, self-care rituals became my go-to. Meditation? More like daily therapy. Oh, and mentors who’d faced the same crap? They were my Jedi council.

**Fueling Up on Hate (Yeah, Really):**
This might sound insane, but I flipped hate into rocket fuel. I mean, who doesn’t wanna prove haters wrong? Their toxic comments lit a fire under me. I transformed those words into my secret weapon for success. And you know what’s sweet? Seeing them squirm as I crushed my goals. It’s like giving negativity a one-way ticket to oblivion.

**Finding Me in the Rubble:**
It’s nuts, but hate comments can kinda be like a mirror. They show you stuff about yourself you didn’t even know was there. I decided to dive into this chaos and ended up on a self-discovery bender. Yeah, it hurt, diving into my own insecurities, but the result? Uncovered strengths I never saw coming. It’s like hate turned into a personal growth jackpot.

**Unleashing My Inner Crusader:**
Guess what? Hate had a side effect I never saw coming. It sparked a rebellious fire in me. Suddenly, I wasn’t a passive bystander; I became a voice for change. My platform became a fortress against negativity, shining a light on how those toxic comments mess with our heads. Turning the tables? That’s what empowerment feels like.

**My Crew of Survivors:**
In the midst of the chaos, I found a tribe of fellow survivors. They knew the sting, the punch, and the gut-wrenching feeling of hate. Sharing our battle stories was like a lifeline. We formed this band of warriors, united by our scars and stories. Turns out, connecting with others who’ve been through the same mudslide is like finding gold in the wreckage.

**Chasing Rainbows in Thunderstorms:**
Keeping a sunny outlook when surrounded by hate storms was like acrobatics for the soul. But, I figured out the trick: focus on the good stuff. Gratitude? Oh yeah, it became my secret weapon. Genuine followers, the love they shared—it was like anti-hate armor. Mindfulness? It’s like catching rainbows in the middle of a thunderstorm.

**Conclusion:**
So here’s the deal, amigos. Hate comments? They’re like mosquitoes in the summer—annoying, but you don’t have to let them ruin your picnic. My journey through the hate vortex taught me resilience, showed me corners of myself I’d never explored, and turned me into a crusader for positivity. The digital world is a jungle, but you? You’re the king or queen of your jungle. You can flip hate on its head, dance through the storm, and come out stronger on the other side. Embrace the growth, soak in the lessons, and let those haters be your unexpected motivators.

What do you guys think !!!!!????

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The No Hard Feelings Paradox: The Struggle to Let Go!!!

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I wanted to kill a person. Figuratively of course!!!
The hurt pain and emotions were all on their High and I felt anger like never before.
I just wished him dead I guess but I wanted a solution.
Complex human emotions made it worse. I wanted to follow the idea of “no hard feelings” but I found it so difficult to navigate. On the surface, letting go of grudges and moving on without bitterness appears to be a worthy endeavour. The truth, however, was far trickier and more challenging.

“No hard feelings” implies that we can let go of unpleasant feelings, setbacks, and complaints, relieving ourselves of a load of resentment. It entails the capacity for pardon and forgetfulness as well as the duty to prevent the effects of the past from tainting the present or the future.
No matter how good the idea of “no hard feelings” is, putting it into practice is frequently simpler said than done. My default response to being harmed or deceived is anger, despair, or betrayal for most humans it’s the same. These emotions have a way of staying in our hearts and minds. The “no hard feelings” state is therefore difficult to achieve.
For me, it was almost impossible.
I read and listened. I honestly never understood how was it so simple. The paper castle of no grudges and letting go, I couldn’t build it.
Am I built differently? Why couldn’t I do that? Will I ever be able to? Can I eventually be amicable with him?
So many questions and I wanted answers.
I started talking to people and everyone had the same thing to say !!!So here’s me giving you my version of no hard feelings.

We face challenges as we battle the anguish that has been inflicted on us in the early phases of trying to escape. 

Avoiding uncomfortable emotions might result in downward spirals of resentment and sadness. We could initially need to travel in the past, repeat traumatic experiences, and feel intense emotions. With continual ups and downs, it can resemble an emotional roller coaster. Pain manifests itself in unexpected ways, making us doubt our capacity to actually advance.
We can find it difficult to comprehend emotions at this moment. By attempting to let go too quickly or by not giving the grief we are feeling enough weight, we might question whether we are failing ourselves. This internal struggle can strengthen our resentment and deepen the cycle of sadness.


We may eventually achieve a degree of emotional detachment rather than genuine “no hard” states as time goes on and we gradually digest our feelings. This distance is more of a defence mechanism than a sign of healing. This occurs when we stop feeling emotions and defend ourselves against more injury.
It’s crucial to know that emotional detachment does not equal meaningful resolution or emotional progress, despite the fact that it may offer momentary respite. Instead, it might be a sign of emotional restraint or a reluctance to confront suffering. Acknowledging the hurt, comprehending its ramifications, and actively striving towards genuine forgiveness and development are all necessary for meaningful healing.

Hard feelings are unavoidably difficult to achieve. It necessitates reflection, self-worth, and a readiness to confront past wrongs. Cycles may be present in the process of sadness, bitterness and even emotional withdrawal. However, it is important to remember that emotional detachment is not a substitute for true determination and healing.
Understanding our feelings, allowing ourselves to grieve, and working towards forgiveness are all important steps in avoiding unpleasant emotions. It is an adventure in self-knowledge, development, and acceptance. Keeping these things in mind

When find comfort in genuine healing, we might expect to negotiate the intricacies of human emotion.
Even if it can be challenging to fully realise the goal of no resentment, making a commitment to comprehending and managing our emotions paves the way for a more fruitful and genuine existence.

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Falling in Love timeline

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Hey !!! I know I have been missing, and there’s a reason for it! My exams have been going on, and I haven’t had the time to declutter my thoughts!
But today is one of those days where I need to pen it down; otherwise, the dam of emotions would flood!
So, I am at an age where people are dating or getting married. This is honestly weird because we saw each other do stupid stuff, and then you suddenly have a weird enlightenment bulb going inside your brain saying, “Congratulations, you have finally grown up.”
But have I? I’m still coming to terms with adulting, and I am already in chaos. I have watched thousands of videos of ‘ That Girl and Getting Your Life Together” vlogs, but my life is nothing as aesthetically pleasing as theirs.
Am I complaining? No
Because I enjoy this chaos, honestly.
It gives me a weird thrill to find and explore myself in chaos.
I get a high out of it.
And I am also slowly loving myself more every day.
So that’s a lesson in itself.
On the good days, I like the beautiful mess, but on the bad days, I ask myself so many questions.
So what do I do to cheer myself up? I read my old journal entries!
“On February 13, 2012, a young girl wrote in her diary that she would fall in love at the age of 21, among a lot of other timelines. She believed in Prince Charming and Cinderella shoes! Sometimes I am jealous of that little girl! Of how untainted and naive she was!
This is true because the same girl is chuckling while reading that diary entry! She hasn’t found love, but somewhere along the line she even stopped believing in it.”
This was one of the excerpts I read, and I have been thinking!
I haven’t found love, and I want to! I want to feel the emotions and everything in between somewhere along the line, even the heartbreak, to know what inspired the great writers to write such amazing sonnets and books.
Would my content be any different if I ever fell in love, or would I change?
Does it make me creatively superior to romanticise about every aspect of my life; we’ll probably find out in the future, hopefully.
So, now, the love gods, please have mercy and send me my prince charming.
I exactly know what you are thinking! She is desperate!
No, I have reached my self-sufficiency level, where I enjoy my own company and am more than happy with myself.
But there are days when I just crave that feeling of wholesomeness and attachment.
Where do I reach out, to seek my Atlas, Noah, or Augustus?
As a hopeless romantic, that feeling intensifies.
Am I being weird ???
I have so many questions…
According to my fictional romantic podium, they advise you not to search for love as it happens at the most unexpected time.
So my next question is, “How do you know?”
How long are we supposed to wait? Shouldn’t we just take matters into our own hands? Isn’t it much simpler?
On a very random note, wouldn’t it be interesting if there was an alarm notification on your phone if you were in the near vicinity of your soulmate?
Maybe someday it will be, with AI and stuff, matching humans based on all your preferences and ideologies and creating clusters. I guess that’s Tinder on the soulmate level.
So isn’t love being duplicated or even coerced into an artificial setting?

I am going off track, I know! But think about it: from our younger selves to now, we have been taught that love is beautiful! But I blatantly disagree! Love is also ugly; it’s transformative and an uncharted territory. For each person, it’s a journey of its own. The twists and turns, emotions, heartfelt exploration, exhilarating beginnings, and profound depths of a simple yet beautiful connection
It’s a poem in itself.
Starts with self-love, as you have to be whole before you seek comfort from others. A plethora of introspection, healing, and cultivation, embracing strengths, and admitting your vulnerabilities often lay a good foundation of love as you seek contentment in yourself before reaching out to anyone else! Why were we never taught this? Our school stories started with Cinderella needing a magical wand to feel beautiful, but she wasn’t. She failed to see herself as anything but a person with low self-esteem and dependence syndrome.
It’s weird how now when I look back at fairytales, they are a mess of their own.
Why am I writing this? Because I know many of us feel the timeline is foggy, but it’s okay foggy, but it’s okay! You are way too amazing, and the other person is searching for you, I promise, or you can just take matters into your own hands.
Love is a serendipitous feeling, and that encounter unfolds something extraordinary.
It’s filled with triumphs and trials, compromises, and emotions, from intoxicating highs to challenging lows. You learn lessons, you make compromises you adjust as sparks aren’t everything to face storms of turmoil.
It’s a catalyst for love and growth. It’s an evolution in itself.
So your timeline right now may seem bleak, but trust me, it will be a testament in itself.

How do I know all this? Books and annoying love-struck friends.
I have reconciled my faith in love, and I’m giving love another chance.
Am I knocking on the door? No
But I am also not putting a lock on my door.
So this is where I tell you to hang in there and not get paranoid about your timeline of love.
Because it will eventually happen.
When it happens, you will have a high of your own.
Till then,
Sending lots of love and positivity.

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Dear Best friend,

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I was deeply skeptical before writing as I know the internet can be a weird place but I wanted to because you are a huge part of my life, the reason why I m sane and still not so broken is because of you. So, you deserve the love and attention on my blog because you deserve nothing else. ( Mind you, I m very possessive about the content I put on my blog)
So, my fellow human,
Today is your special day and I just want to take a moment to let you know how special you are. I could get you gifts but I wanted you to have a part of me, a part that I am good at, ie, words. So I wanted to write this because, on days when you are feeling low, you can come back to this. Because the world may torment you to feel like you are worth nothing, but I will always remind you that you are my Helen of Sparta and I could start or fight the Trojan War for you.
On a more formal note, first and foremost, I want to thank you for being my friend. You have been with me through thick and thin, and I don’t know what I would do without you. You are the one person I can always count on to lift me when I am feeling down and to make me laugh when I need it the most. Your unwavering support and kindness have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life, and I will be forever grateful for them. looking back, I wouldn’t have survived my hardest days if it wasn’t for you. I know you see my vulnerability and brokenness behind the facade of sarcasm and annoyingness. I don’t even know whether it’s an actual word, but describing you through words is also difficult !!! It’s become too cheesy! But that’s what you get!
But you deserve this because you are my hype brigade, if it weren’t for you I would never give the credits I deserve and I probably will die of impostor syndrome but you hold me gently and make me realise I m not the villain of my story.
So today i want to remind you of the same .
You have been through so much in your life, yet you always manage to keep your head held high and your spirits up. Your resilience and perseverance inspire me to be a better person, and I am in awe of your courage and determination. Whenever I am feeling lost or hopeless, I think of you and all that you have overcome, and it gives me the strength to keep going.

Another thing I love about you is your sense of humor. You always know how to make me laugh, even when I am feeling my lowest. Whether it’s a silly joke, a funny meme, or just a goofy expression, you never fail to put a smile on my face. Your humor has helped me through some tough times, and I don’t know what I would do without it. we have cribbed over guys and our lives and for all of that I am so grateful to have you in my life, and I can’t imagine going through all these moments without you.

You have never judged me for my mistakes, but you have always held me accountable for them. So , i want you to do the same for you once . See your worth because even diamonds lose their shine infront of you .
I want you to know how much you are loved. You bring so much joy and happiness to those around you, and I am so lucky to call you my friend. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are, and for making my life so much brighter. I love you more than these words could ever express. Be a good friend And get me a boyfriend, for god sake !!🤣

I can go on and on, but it would be a bit too much and nobody reads for this long!!
So I want to list 24 things for you to look back on when you feel low because you may see the flawed version and be self-critical of yourself, but all I see is an imperfectly perfect person who fits in my life perfectly as my jigsaw puzzle.

1. Your kind heart always shines through.
2. You make me laugh with your humour and wit.
3. Your honesty and integrity are unwavering.
4. You are always there for me when I need you.
5. Your creativity and imagination inspire me.
6. Your intelligence and curiosity are truly impressive.
7. Your sense of adventure makes life more exciting.
8. Your thoughtfulness and consideration for others are heartwarming.
9. Your positive attitude is contagious and uplifting.
10. Your beauty radiates from within.
11.Your loyalty and commitment to our friendship are unmatched.
12.Your generosity and selflessness never cease to amaze me.
13.Your ability to empathize and understand others is a gift.
14.Your strength and resilience in the face of adversity are inspiring.
15.Your confidence and self-assuredness are admirable.
16.Your hard work and dedication to your goals are admirable.
17.Your passion and enthusiasm for life is contagious.
18.Your grace and poise in any situation are impressive.
19.Your wisdom and insight always astound me.
20.Your willingness to help others is inspiring.
21.Your ability to forgive and move on is a valuable trait.
22.Your authenticity and genuineness are rare and special.
23.Your infectious energy and positive spirit are a blessing.
24.Your unwavering faith in yourself and others is admirable.
These are just a few of the many reasons why I love you.( Also being too sweet doesn’t fit my persona , let me go back to being myself) You are an amazing person, and I am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for being you, and for always brightening my day with your presence.

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Poems

Nyctophile

5 Comments

With colours so tangy and bright,
Why do i feel there’s no light,
woven in the darkness,
Maybe i am ,
What the society terms me a mess,
The imperfect me by the perfect them,
Like a plant to the stem,
I often wonder,
the game of pretendence,
Isn’t it a blunder,
yet we are in its root,
To criticise and to loot.
The self esteem and love ,
The confidence of being unique,
Yes you r right….
I am a disaster a beautiful disaster
#hope #nyctophile #depression #love #poem #poet #poetry #poetrycommunity

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Blogs

Why did I stop writing?

19 Comments

This week was ideally one of my good weeks. This blog of mine took off really well, and I have you guys to thank for that!
I had started blogging years ago and earned decent money from it too,gained a massive following but then I decided to delete it one fine morning.Yes I was dumb .But something in me broke that day.I hated that piece of me , I just wanted it to be erased and just like that my blog disappeared from the face of the internet and my life.

Everything triggered it, and I couldn’t handle it. People saw me broken and had so many assumptions. Some friends of mine even called me “dark and twisted” because my poetry genre was that. One day, it was just the tip of the iceberg when a friend of mine told me that I have two completely different personalities when it comes to the friend they know and the blog they read. I was so scared of people around me having opinions that I stopped blogging . Initially , i thought I would take a week off and get back to it .But whenever I sat down to write , i could see weird gazes and interpretations of me running in their head , some even vocalising it clouding the words and my emotions and I couldn’t put anything on the paper .I was scared , scared to be not accepted . And that made me claustrophobic, my own poetry made me claustrophobic.And I decided to stop blogging.

Now that I think about it, I knew it was immature of me to do that, but that 19 year-old didn’t know any better! Even people’s compliments felt fake and a conversation starter. They assumed I was too smart, but I wasn’t. I just had some teeny tiny creative juices flowing in my overthinking brain. Sometimes, I hate myself for that because I really want to shut my brain down and give myself a break too.

But now I have regrets. I have regrets about killing my baby when it was at its highest point. Regrets of disappointing lakhs of people , regrets that maybe my old blog would have reached at a height that I could never fathom.But looking back, would I do it again? Yes . A complicated answer for a very simple question .This “yes” has so many layers attached to it. The insecurities in me wasn’t happy with the immense response that it got. Even with this blog, the views, likes, and comments all seem so surreal as I have just started. The fear of being inside that glassbox someday is something that I am constantly working on, trying to not let it tackle me down again this time.I know all this sounds like I m selfish and all I care for is numbers . Honestly, no.I’m not a number person, but I do like to be appreciated and being acknowledged for what I write. Because growing up, I wasnt. Trauma does have a boomerang effect.I guess so !! The warmth of you guys relating to it keeps my juices flowing , sparks my creative wires, keeps me going.

Why am I writing this? Because today I felt the same thing—the fear of being judged for what I write? Would I be considered “dark and twisted” or am I mature enough? The overthinking went on overdrive till I started scribbling in my diary, and I honestly realized I couldn’t change the way people look at me. Some may consider me annoying, others too intellectual, and some crazy, but the real ones know me for me. Like me for who I am—and poetry is a part of me—this chaotic mess of words ,wittiness and emotions.
And I missed blogging. Seriously, I missed writing poetry and putting it out there, and I guess it’s okay. Because this is how I am true to myself, by being the real me. It was so hard to stay away from all this for the past two years, and I also know for a fact my writing isn’t at its peak, but it’s okay because I write for myself;i m happy , in a safe space of my own as the perfect poetry for me is my own.
Why did I crib so much today? Because today I had a conversation with my friend about how he missed my poetry and our open mics. He told me he missed my writing, and that’s when I opened up to him about my fears and the cycle of thoughts that led me to that standstill. He said I was an idiot, which I agree with, but moreso, I was too scared of being overwhelmed by people’s opinions and these rationalizations of the type of person that I was just because of my poetry, as I was used to being on the sidelines. It took me a lot of time to accept the broken, unbroken me, but I’m happy. happy to be back .

It’s so easy to fall into prejudices, and I just want to tell you it’s okay. But what’s more important is to pick yourself up and surround yourself with the louder voices of empathetic people who can shut the voices in your head. Because sometimes we do make dumb decisions, but what matters is how we deal with them afterwards and the choices we make to counter them.

Is it a philosophical class ? No , but I wanted to put it out there , I am not a perfect writer , nobody is . I have made dumb decisions and it’s okay .Just write for yourself , do what makes you happy . People can create illusions but what matters is how you paint them in your head .It took me a long time to figure this out . Letting go of all this wasn’t easy but i am glad I am painting my castle on my own .I am glad to have your back because I promise to be better.
 
 
 P.s . Yes , this isn’t a typical blog format with a proper structure but Im happy with it nevertheless , the chaos in me is what comes on my blogs and thats what makes it real and me. I promise I wouldn’t leave you guys stranded this time.

Thanku for staying till the end!!!

Poems

Shadows

6 Comments

I have always lived in the shadows,
Not on the pedestal not on meadows,
Hiding from the spotlight, wherever the light goes,
Pulling down the shutters on my windows,
I crucified my tomorrow not believing in magical rainbows,
Because I knew , as tomorrow comes , my darkness grows.

Being alone , with so many unknowns ,
Amidst friends and foes,
Looking at Instagram perfect lives,
Emotions and dreams buried under catacombs,

While my nightmare clings on to me like shadows.
I tried coming out of the shadows ,
yet I felt I was stranded on fallows.
I tried to be someone else , as the author plotted,
Only to be feeling destroyed and haunted.

Fairytales kept reminding me of treasures,
Yet all I could see was an imperfect mess,
Trying to fit in with sleeves of confidence and glow in a dress,

Trying to bloom and stand affirm on my toes with my clothes
Nothing as compared to the spectators on first rows.

We were taught to be princesses not to be shadows,
But I defied the rules , as I was a hot mess,
A consistently inconsistent work in progress .

It took me long to accept me as no less
here in shadows to feel solace in anonymity
Living life with no reservations
For my name would be forgotten someday
Yet I was completely okay to be not okay.

To not be tortured with endless explanations
And expectations,
As I will , probably and mostly be lost in the shadows
Yet I would breathe be happy for being me in a shadow
Being a silhouette, beautiful in an unspoken way
As I peak in from shadows as i m here to stay.

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