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Breaking the Narrative: How to Recognise and Rewrite Your Role as the Villain in Your Life Story



I was a quiet kid, and then my amazing best friend came along in school. She pushed me to go outside of my box so the world could see the fireball that I was. The adrenaline rush that I got from speaking, debate, quizzes still gives me goosebumps. I won trophies, and the world saw me as a smart, sarcastic, and even some said intellectual person. Everything was picture-perfect, and then I stopped.

Why? I got overwhelmed.

I went inside my shell and only let a few people inside my brain.

I could paint a thousand villains for making me feel all this, but more so, somewhere along the line, I knew it was me.

Yeah, you read it right; I am the anti-hero of my story.

Quite the dramatic intro, isn’t it?




Recently, I read the poem ” I am a Screw-Up” by Tanmay. This series of thoughts came after that. and this deserves all the attention.

(P.S. This isn’t a pity party post; it’s my villain arc story.)

Each of us possesses a life story that influences how we see ourselves and the world. However, at times, this narrative can portray us as the antagonist, imposing limitations on our potential and hindering personal development.

It took me a lot of time to see that I am the writer, and we possess the ability to identify and modify this narrative, thereby transforming ourselves into the protagonists of our tales.

Does it happen overnight? No,

It’s a slow and gradual process.

Most days you wake up as a hero, and other days you wake up as a villain.

And if you ask me honestly, once in a while, it’s good to be the villain of your story because it gives you a perspective that you don’t tend to see. But there’s a very fine line, and that’s difficult to maintain as it can often turn to self-loathing and be detrimental to our mental health. Following is a list that helped me liberate myself from the constraints of self-perception, how I identified detrimental patterns and my slow, gradual steps to rewriting my story.

Is it an exhaustive list? No.

Do you, I say!

1. Self-Reflection

When the stack of self-help books kept chanting self-reflection, I never got the hype around it. Until I started journaling. I never did anything fancy or used the prompts in the books. Are they wrong? No, but it wouldn’t have worked for me.

So I just sat down with paper and pen and started writing.

Honestly, it felt weird because I’m used to typing on a laptop, but this felt more personal and even borderline invasive.

Words became sentences, sentences became paragraphs, and eventually, it was all soaked in tears.

Was it easy? No, and yes.

It requires introspection and a willingness to examine thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that contribute to self-perception.

Did it help? Yes

This process helped me gain awareness and understanding of the patterns that kept me stuck in the role of the villain. It’s very important to be in your safe space so that you can explore your past experiences, beliefs, and actions. And then ask these questions:

What events or experiences led me to believe I was the villain in my story?

How have these beliefs influenced my actions and relationships?

These questions and thoughts helped me uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and assumptions that had shaped my self-perception.




Challenging Limiting Beliefs

As kids, we used to question everything and nothing. Now we don’t.

When did we limit ourselves? Why did we?

Somewhere along the line, all the questions lead to the same answer: deep-rooted limiting beliefs.

I started to question their origin. In my story, it was instilled in me by others and developed as a defence mechanism to cope. I knew I had to wake up and challenge myself. So I started asking these questions: It’s crucial to identify these beliefs and challenge them.

The beliefs that were limiting me

Are they based on evidence or assumptions? Are they still relevant and helpful in my life?

I started gathering pieces of evidence, and I sought out positive feedback and validation from trusted individuals to provide me with a different perspective.

I gradually started replacing the limiting beliefs with empowering ones that reflect me and help identify me with my full and true potential.

Taking responsibility and accountability

I knew words could only help me to some extent; actions had to be followed up
I had to take accountability,

Acknowledge my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t want to hold grudges anymore. I didn’t want to torment myself anymore in the cycle of victimhood. Instead, I want to own up to being me, and even if it’s an imperfect mess, I will still be happy.

Reflecting on the times when I may have acted in ways that were not aligned with my values Taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions without dwelling on guilt or self-blame Recognising that making mistakes is part of being human and that it is through mistakes that we learn and grow

I think when I started embracing accountability, I empowered myself to make different choices moving forward. Learning from my past actions, committing to making amends if necessary, and striving to act in ways that align with the hero I want to become Or at least for the version that I want to be.




Empathy and Compassion: Transforming Relationships

Breaking the villainous narrative goes beyond self-reflection; it also involves transforming our relationships with others.

Why don’t we talk about empathy?

Society wants us to be hard and driven but forgets that being humane isn’t being weak.

It’s important to understand that everyone has their struggles and motivations, which may have influenced their actions in the past.

Recognising that actions may have been influenced by circumstances, insecurities, or past traumas .Extending this understanding to others as well, allowing space for forgiveness and healing.


Cultivating open and honest communication with the people in my life was very life-changing for me.I am still learning

It wasn’t and isn’t easy. I’m taking small, gradual steps every day.

Embracing change and growth

I hate change. I am inflexible like that. But lately, I have been liking change. It helped me grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me enjoy my own company.

This list sounds very fancy, right? But there was nothing fancy about it! It wasn’t aesthetically pleasing; some days it was hard, some days manageable.

Why did I do all this? Somewhere, I wanted to become the catalyst of my story.

To rewrite my role as the villain in my life story, I wanted to create a new narrative that empowers and uplifts me.

I started visualising it and made a movie out of it in my head with lots of BGM.

Recognising and rewriting the narrative that casts us as the villains in our life stories is a transformative journey. It requires self-reflection, challenging limiting beliefs, taking responsibility, cultivating empathy and compassion, embracing change and growth, and creating a new narrative that empowers us as the heroes of our own stories.

Is this the end of my TED talk? I guess so.

Honestly, I am not telling or preaching that I am completely out of my villain arc era! No.

A big fat No.

But I have also understood that this process is not linear and may require ongoing effort and commitment. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes along the way. Being kind is important.

I believe By breaking free from the constraints of self-perception, we can embrace our true potential, forge meaningful connections, and live a life filled with purpose and fulfilment. It’s time to rewrite our story and become the hero we were always meant to be. Trust in your ability to create a narrative that reflects your strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. The power to shape your story lies within you.

Because you, my love, deserve so much more!So go be the hero !!!!!!. Till then sending you lots of hugs, love and positivity!!!!!


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My June TBR: A Journey Through Diverse Worlds




As the summer sun begins to warm the days and the promise of relaxation beckons, I find myself eagerly planning my reading adventures for June. With a diverse collection of books waiting patiently on my shelf, I’m excited to delve into a wide range of genres, explore new perspectives, and immerse myself in captivating narratives. Join me as I unveil my June To-Be-Read (TBR) list and share my thoughts on the books that will accompany me on this literary journey.

Am I being too ambitious? Maybe, but I am on my reading mood recently and I want to hit my target of 100 books this year ;

House swap by Rebecca fleet 

A house swap becomes the eerie backdrop to a crumbling marriage, a long-buried affair, and the fatal consequences that unfold after a house swap. I think it fits in the mystery genre !! Let’s hope it gets me swapped!!

India from Curzon to Nehru and After by Durga Das

I have always been a fan of Indian political history and so, I decided to delve into this deeper. It has anecdotes and personal insights and it’s termed as a masterpiece by the booktube community. Let’s hope it doesn’t put me to sleep.

The housemaid

This book has been raved in the book community and is also available in the Kindle unlimited free edition. So I thought I would give it a go. They say it’s a mix of The Woman in the Window, The Wife Between Us and The Girl on the Train and that combo makes it way too exciting. I might not put the books down of the reviews 

Good girls bad blood & As good as dead

I read good girl’s Guide to Murder and it was a good read .so I want to finish the series to give a detailed opinion. But I have only heard good things about this series, so I am excited as it’s a murder mystery with a strong female character.

I want to die but I want to eat Tteokbokki

The title is bizarre but the excerpt is very intriguing. It’s part memoir part self-help book, a transcript of her convos with her psychiatrist. To the world she is composed but deep within she is broken, helpless and overwhelmed. This book is like Tteokbokki hot and warm, feeds your soul when you feel you are alone. As a person who has her bad days, I want to get to see it through someone else’s eyes! So yeah, let’s see how it goes

The Ex talk

As the rainy days kick in I know I need romance. So here it is, a second chance romance between two exes and a radio show !!! Let’s hope it’s spicy hot and cheesy adding flair to my life. I don’t want to spoil it too much because then there’s no fun in it!!

This is the list right now that I have in mind, I need to finish these books so I can buy more books. Yes, I have a book addiction but I m not complaining!!!!!!

I might add some books too if I finish these!!

Will keep you updated.

 Hopefully, with this enticing assortment of books, it will accompany me throughout June. I think my TBR is a mix, a promise, and a diverse range of narratives that will transport me to different worlds, challenge my perspectives, and ignite my imagination. From exploring themes of identity and belonging to immersing myself in magical realms and legendary tales, this June TBR represents an exciting journey through literature. I am eagerly anticipating the moments of introspection, escapism, and sheer joy that these books will undoubtedly bring. Here’s to a month of captivating stories and unforgettable experiences!

 Do comment on your June tbr lists !!! Also, add in your recommendations!!How did the month of may go for you guys ???

 


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My yellow,My friend 💛💛

There are good days, and then there are bad days. Days that exhaust you and make you feel at your lowest. Where you beat yourself up and let scars scar. On those days, I crave my yellows to remind myself that I am a yellow too.

What’s yellow, you are thinking?

(This was one of the terms that I learned from my YouTube dictionary as a hashtag.)

Ideally, yellow is a person you love, you label it as the person being your yellow. It’s inspired by the “Yellow” song by Coldplay.

“I swam across

I jumped across for you

Oh, what a thing to do

‘Cause you were all yellow”




But the word has so many layers. Maybe today I m in one of those writing and introspective moods that I am here to put my chaotic thoughts into paper.

My first thought was why did they insinuate it with the colour yellow ??

Is it because it symbolises sunshine? Or warmth or a mixture of both.

Google had no answer and I realised it was open to interpretation.

So for the time being the definition for me right now for yellow is you. You are my yellow.

Because the impact that my yellows had on my life is significant because they made me a better person to be in a better place. So I want to thank them in my way, ie, by writing.

The yellows in my life, the friendships we have, are like vibrant colours that add beauty and purpose to my existence. They are like the indelible stains on my life, stains a reminder of things that I am grateful and lucky to have.

Among the kaleidoscope of friendships, I am blessed to have a friend who embodies being my yellow.

So today, it’s a yellow day, a celebration of being yellow, for having a yellow and the profound impact.

The light of positivity 

 You, my yellow, is a light of positivity, a bundle of joy even when you don’t feel like that. You have ounces of optimism inside you, even when you think you are pessimistic, it shines through you. You help me to find my silver lining and pull me out of my shadows. On the days I beat myself up, you remind me that the sun will rise tomorrow again and with it, new opportunities will come for you and you will find your spark again.

 The warmth of my empathy.

 You, my yellow, have an abundance of empathy. You have an innate ability to understand and share in my joys and sorrows, you being my safe space. Your compassion and no- judgement attitude has bought me comfort and also taught me to be there for others when in need.

 The energy of adventure

 On so many days, I would be just snuck inside my blanket reading, if it wasn’t for you. Your adventurous spirit is honestly contagious and I m not complaining. Exploring uncharted territories, trying out new hobbies, and your zest for life, you have motivated me to step out of my comfort zone.

 The glow of support

 Support is such a small word but it means the world to people. You bring that glow to my life, my support system.

 How can someone provide such unwavering support? You believe in me, even when I don’t, you remind me to stop doing swot analysis and Focus on strengths and opportunities and work on my weaknesses while not being a threat to myself.

 You help me to reach new heights and you are my cheerleader. Yes I do vision you wearing short skirts and carrying pompoms and dancing for me .

 The beauty of authenticity.

 You are unapologetically authentic, and effortlessly flawless in my eyes. And , no one can take that away from you. In the world of Barbie dolls , I am in awe of the person that you are, that sometimes ,i feel like you are A AI clone impersonating human like behaviour , that it scares me . But on most days I m grateful , grateful to see your authentic raw real self. I like honest people. And you top my list .

 Why am I writing this? To celebrate your uniqueness. In a world that encourages conformity, you remind me to let my true colours shine.

 You have your flaws too and I, sometimes, am fueled to murder you ,but you illuminate my soul. You have taught me more lessons than my school textbooks. You are my sunshine. So today let me be yours. I hope I brighten your day because, in the dictionary of life, I m very fortunate to have you as my yellow, my friend and I hopefully will love you forever.

 So, my fellow human being. You are yellow too !! At least my yellow because you bring joy to my life.

 What motivated me to write this?

 This week has been chaotic for me, I am still adjusting and somehow, I didn’t find time to write. 

 Because of so many changes, I have been overwhelmed and I started to overthink. Not a good signnn!!!

 And someone had to remind me that I m a yellow in their life.

 Sometimes the simplest things said in the simple ways open up your heart in so many ways.

 So this is an attempt to do that.

 A simple writeup of me telling that you are yellow to me, to lift you on days when you beat yourself up !!

 I will always be there for you through my writings.

 So hang in there, my yellow 💛

 Love you 3000

 Sending lots of love hugs and positivity

 Poestoryporium 


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Reflecting on the 60-Day Journey :

(Celebrating 13,268 Views, 1,669 Likes, 382 Comments, and 440 Followers – wordpress)


Hey !!! I know you read the title and have an idea of what I would be talking about—the number of views I got on my blog within 60 days.

My thought process right now is: Should I post it or not? Am I bragging? Will this give someone anxiety? Is it worth it? Is it successful enough to talk about?
So, I’m incredibly nervous to put it out there, but this year I have been celebrating even my smallest wins as I want to be more grateful and not only focus on the big picture but find joy in little things. So I guess I wanted to share this milestone with you guys because you mean the world to me!
It’s incredible to think that 60 days have passed since I started my blogging journey on March 12, 2023. As I mark my blog’s 60-day milestone today, I can’t help but experience a mixture of joy, thanksgiving, and introspection. I want to share my great points, difficulties, and personal development. I have thus far encountered this post With 440 followers, 13,268 views, 1,669 likes, 382 comments, and a supportive community, it’s time to celebrate the accomplishments and show my gratitude to all the incredible people who have contributed to this trip.

Truth be told when I wrote the article about my 30-day journey, I never expected April to go phenomenally well because I was preparing for my exams and I barely wrote anything except some old blogs that were already scheduled. Nevertheless, you guys surprise me!


The excitement of 13,268 watches :

I had no idea when I originally started my blog that it would become so popular in just two months. It is both thrilling and humbling that 13,268 people have viewed my stuff. It gives me comfort to know that my views are getting across to people and that they are having a beneficial effect. I am sincerely appreciative of each view, which indicates a person who has taken the time to read and discuss my ideas, and somewhere along the line, I felt this blog was my voice, which I lost along the line. So many of you reached out, saying that this blog gave you a voice. Which honestly made me cry.

Engaging with 1,669 Likes:

Getting recognition for the information I produce is one of the most satisfying aspects of blogging. The fact that 1,669 people have liked my pieces thus far is proof of the value readers find. For me, this added validation, which is scary, but it fueled my creativity and made me understand what people liked.


Creating Connections via 382 Comments: Comments are the lifeblood of any blog because they enable deep dialogue and the emergence of connections. The 382 comments that I have so far received have improved my blogging experience. Every remark is a reflection of a reader who took the time to voice their opinions, pose queries, or share ideas. You have no idea the joy you bring me! By interacting with you guys through comments, I’ve been able to create a sense of community and gain knowledge from many viewpoints. I’m appreciative of my blog’s interactive features and the chance to interact with such a wide variety of equally amazing people, and I’m grateful for having like-minded people.


The Influence of 440 Followers:

When I first started writing, I had no idea that I would end up with a devoted following of 440 followers, more like friends. Each new follower is evidence of how much people enjoy my material and how much they respect me as a writer. Knowing that there are people out there who anxiously anticipate my posts and actively interact with them makes me happy. You guys have developed into my family that supports me, and for that, I am tremendously grateful. You guys are now more than simply readers.


While recognising the accomplishments, it’s also crucial to recognise the difficulties and developments that have come along with the journey. It requires commitment, consistency, and flexibility to develop a blog. Can I call it a successful blog? I don’t know, honestly, because all that matters is you guys. It hasn’t always been easy for me to think of new ideas, use my time wisely, and take the odd criticism dealing with imposter syndrome alongside. But every obstacle has helped me learn important lessons and improve my abilities as a writer and content producer. I am always learning and developing, and I am eager to face new difficulties with renewed confidence.

Things that have worked for me till now for my blog :

1. Engaging with you guys! It’s very important to engage because old readers will always have your back.

2. Authentic original content: be the real you because originality can’t be copied.

3. Analytics: I am a number geek, so I love to go through my analytics to understand your needs and my blog’s demographics better.


If you want a detailed post on my strategy, do comment!


As I think back on my blog’s 60-day anniversary, I’m incredibly appreciative of all the love and interaction I’ve gotten. More than simply numbers, the 13,268 views, 1,669 likes, 382 comments, and 440 followers signify a community of people who have enjoyed and supported my writing. In terms of both my personal and professional progress, I’m enthused about the future and forever grateful. Here’s to achieving more milestones and forever uplifting each other!

And I am really sorry if this came across as a bragging attempt or if it caused any of you anxiety . I never intended that. It will eventually work out we just have to work really hard.

Sending lots of love hugs and positivity to all of you amazing people !!!!
 

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Do share your thoughts as I would love to hear about it.

Falling in Love timeline



Hey !!! I know I have been missing, and there’s a reason for it! My exams have been going on, and I haven’t had the time to declutter my thoughts!
But today is one of those days where I need to pen it down; otherwise, the dam of emotions would flood!
So, I am at an age where people are dating or getting married. This is honestly weird because we saw each other do stupid stuff, and then you suddenly have a weird enlightenment bulb going inside your brain saying, “Congratulations, you have finally grown up.”
But have I? I’m still coming to terms with adulting, and I am already in chaos. I have watched thousands of videos of ‘ That Girl and Getting Your Life Together” vlogs, but my life is nothing as aesthetically pleasing as theirs.
Am I complaining? No
Because I enjoy this chaos, honestly.
It gives me a weird thrill to find and explore myself in chaos.
I get a high out of it.
And I am also slowly loving myself more every day.
So that’s a lesson in itself.
On the good days, I like the beautiful mess, but on the bad days, I ask myself so many questions.
So what do I do to cheer myself up? I read my old journal entries!
“On February 13, 2012, a young girl wrote in her diary that she would fall in love at the age of 21, among a lot of other timelines. She believed in Prince Charming and Cinderella shoes! Sometimes I am jealous of that little girl! Of how untainted and naive she was!
This is true because the same girl is chuckling while reading that diary entry! She hasn’t found love, but somewhere along the line she even stopped believing in it.”
This was one of the excerpts I read, and I have been thinking!
I haven’t found love, and I want to! I want to feel the emotions and everything in between somewhere along the line, even the heartbreak, to know what inspired the great writers to write such amazing sonnets and books.
Would my content be any different if I ever fell in love, or would I change?
Does it make me creatively superior to romanticise about every aspect of my life; we’ll probably find out in the future, hopefully.
So, now, the love gods, please have mercy and send me my prince charming.
I exactly know what you are thinking! She is desperate!
No, I have reached my self-sufficiency level, where I enjoy my own company and am more than happy with myself.
But there are days when I just crave that feeling of wholesomeness and attachment.
Where do I reach out, to seek my Atlas, Noah, or Augustus?
As a hopeless romantic, that feeling intensifies.
Am I being weird ???
I have so many questions…
According to my fictional romantic podium, they advise you not to search for love as it happens at the most unexpected time.
So my next question is, “How do you know?”
How long are we supposed to wait? Shouldn’t we just take matters into our own hands? Isn’t it much simpler?
On a very random note, wouldn’t it be interesting if there was an alarm notification on your phone if you were in the near vicinity of your soulmate?
Maybe someday it will be, with AI and stuff, matching humans based on all your preferences and ideologies and creating clusters. I guess that’s Tinder on the soulmate level.
So isn’t love being duplicated or even coerced into an artificial setting?

I am going off track, I know! But think about it: from our younger selves to now, we have been taught that love is beautiful! But I blatantly disagree! Love is also ugly; it’s transformative and an uncharted territory. For each person, it’s a journey of its own. The twists and turns, emotions, heartfelt exploration, exhilarating beginnings, and profound depths of a simple yet beautiful connection
It’s a poem in itself.
Starts with self-love, as you have to be whole before you seek comfort from others. A plethora of introspection, healing, and cultivation, embracing strengths, and admitting your vulnerabilities often lay a good foundation of love as you seek contentment in yourself before reaching out to anyone else! Why were we never taught this? Our school stories started with Cinderella needing a magical wand to feel beautiful, but she wasn’t. She failed to see herself as anything but a person with low self-esteem and dependence syndrome.
It’s weird how now when I look back at fairytales, they are a mess of their own.
Why am I writing this? Because I know many of us feel the timeline is foggy, but it’s okay foggy, but it’s okay! You are way too amazing, and the other person is searching for you, I promise, or you can just take matters into your own hands.
Love is a serendipitous feeling, and that encounter unfolds something extraordinary.
It’s filled with triumphs and trials, compromises, and emotions, from intoxicating highs to challenging lows. You learn lessons, you make compromises you adjust as sparks aren’t everything to face storms of turmoil.
It’s a catalyst for love and growth. It’s an evolution in itself.
So your timeline right now may seem bleak, but trust me, it will be a testament in itself.

How do I know all this? Books and annoying love-struck friends.
I have reconciled my faith in love, and I’m giving love another chance.
Am I knocking on the door? No
But I am also not putting a lock on my door.
So this is where I tell you to hang in there and not get paranoid about your timeline of love.
Because it will eventually happen.
When it happens, you will have a high of your own.
Till then,
Sending lots of love and positivity.


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Dear Best friend,


I was deeply skeptical before writing as I know the internet can be a weird place but I wanted to because you are a huge part of my life, the reason why I m sane and still not so broken is because of you. So, you deserve the love and attention on my blog because you deserve nothing else. ( Mind you, I m very possessive about the content I put on my blog)
So, my fellow human,
Today is your special day and I just want to take a moment to let you know how special you are. I could get you gifts but I wanted you to have a part of me, a part that I am good at, ie, words. So I wanted to write this because, on days when you are feeling low, you can come back to this. Because the world may torment you to feel like you are worth nothing, but I will always remind you that you are my Helen of Sparta and I could start or fight the Trojan War for you.
On a more formal note, first and foremost, I want to thank you for being my friend. You have been with me through thick and thin, and I don’t know what I would do without you. You are the one person I can always count on to lift me when I am feeling down and to make me laugh when I need it the most. Your unwavering support and kindness have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life, and I will be forever grateful for them. looking back, I wouldn’t have survived my hardest days if it wasn’t for you. I know you see my vulnerability and brokenness behind the facade of sarcasm and annoyingness. I don’t even know whether it’s an actual word, but describing you through words is also difficult !!! It’s become too cheesy! But that’s what you get!
But you deserve this because you are my hype brigade, if it weren’t for you I would never give the credits I deserve and I probably will die of impostor syndrome but you hold me gently and make me realise I m not the villain of my story.
So today i want to remind you of the same .
You have been through so much in your life, yet you always manage to keep your head held high and your spirits up. Your resilience and perseverance inspire me to be a better person, and I am in awe of your courage and determination. Whenever I am feeling lost or hopeless, I think of you and all that you have overcome, and it gives me the strength to keep going.

Another thing I love about you is your sense of humor. You always know how to make me laugh, even when I am feeling my lowest. Whether it’s a silly joke, a funny meme, or just a goofy expression, you never fail to put a smile on my face. Your humor has helped me through some tough times, and I don’t know what I would do without it. we have cribbed over guys and our lives and for all of that I am so grateful to have you in my life, and I can’t imagine going through all these moments without you.

You have never judged me for my mistakes, but you have always held me accountable for them. So , i want you to do the same for you once . See your worth because even diamonds lose their shine infront of you .
I want you to know how much you are loved. You bring so much joy and happiness to those around you, and I am so lucky to call you my friend. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are, and for making my life so much brighter. I love you more than these words could ever express. Be a good friend And get me a boyfriend, for god sake !!🤣

I can go on and on, but it would be a bit too much and nobody reads for this long!!
So I want to list 24 things for you to look back on when you feel low because you may see the flawed version and be self-critical of yourself, but all I see is an imperfectly perfect person who fits in my life perfectly as my jigsaw puzzle.

1. Your kind heart always shines through.
2. You make me laugh with your humour and wit.
3. Your honesty and integrity are unwavering.
4. You are always there for me when I need you.
5. Your creativity and imagination inspire me.
6. Your intelligence and curiosity are truly impressive.
7. Your sense of adventure makes life more exciting.
8. Your thoughtfulness and consideration for others are heartwarming.
9. Your positive attitude is contagious and uplifting.
10. Your beauty radiates from within.
11.Your loyalty and commitment to our friendship are unmatched.
12.Your generosity and selflessness never cease to amaze me.
13.Your ability to empathize and understand others is a gift.
14.Your strength and resilience in the face of adversity are inspiring.
15.Your confidence and self-assuredness are admirable.
16.Your hard work and dedication to your goals are admirable.
17.Your passion and enthusiasm for life is contagious.
18.Your grace and poise in any situation are impressive.
19.Your wisdom and insight always astound me.
20.Your willingness to help others is inspiring.
21.Your ability to forgive and move on is a valuable trait.
22.Your authenticity and genuineness are rare and special.
23.Your infectious energy and positive spirit are a blessing.
24.Your unwavering faith in yourself and others is admirable.
These are just a few of the many reasons why I love you.( Also being too sweet doesn’t fit my persona , let me go back to being myself) You are an amazing person, and I am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for being you, and for always brightening my day with your presence.


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30 days ,14 posts ,279 followers ,1000 likes,6000 views


Thanku fellow humans,

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 30 days since I started my blog. In some ways, it feels like it’s been a lot longer, and in others, it feels like it’s only been a few days. Nevertheless, hitting the 30-day milestone is a significant accomplishment for me, and I wanted to take some time to reflect on the experience so far.

Starting a blog is something that I’ve wanted to do for a while now. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and I’ve always been passionate about sharing my thoughts and ideas with others. But for some reason, I never got around to actually starting a blog until now. Looking back, I think a big part of the reason was fear. I was afraid of putting myself out there, of being vulnerable, of being judged. But I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of holding myself back, and I was ready to take the leap.

The first few days of my blog were both exhilarating and terrifying. On the one hand, it was amazing to see my writing out there in the world, to see people reading and commenting on my posts. On the other hand, I was constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if anyone was actually interested in what I had to say. But as the days went on, I started to find my rhythm. I started to feel more comfortable with my voice, and I started to gain more confidence in my writing.

One of the things that surprised me most about starting a blog was how much I’ve learned in just 30 days. The technical side of things, like setting up a website, choosing a platform, and optimizing for SEO. There’s the creative side of things, like coming up with topics, crafting headlines, and developing a unique voice. And then there’s the community side of things which is my favourite part , that is , you guys!!

One of the most challenging parts of the past 30 days has been finding the time to write. Between my full-time job, my social life, and my other hobbies and responsibilities, it’s been a struggle to carve out time for blogging. But I’ve found that when I’m passionate about something, I make it work. I’ve been waking up earlier in the mornings to write before work, and I’ve been staying up later at night to get in a few more paragraphs. It’s been tiring, but it’s also been incredibly rewarding.I also would be lying by saying I wasn’t sidetracked by the hate comments , but you guys reminded me of going forward and stood as my pillar of strength.

One of the things that’s kept me going over the past 30 days has been the support of my friends and family. When I first started my blog, I was nervous about telling people. I wasn’t sure how they would react, and I was worried that they would think it was silly or that I was just wasting my time. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the positive response I’ve received. People have been reading my posts, sharing them with their friends, and leaving encouraging comments. It’s been a huge motivator for me.

Of course, not everything has been smooth sailing over the past 30 days. There have been times when I’ve felt discouraged, when I’ve wondered if it’s all worth it. There have been times when I’ve struggled to come up with ideas, when I’ve sat staring at a blank screen for hours on end. But I’ve learned that these moments are all part of the process. They’re the challenges that come with any creative pursuit, and they’re the things that make the victories all the sweeter.
Why am I writing this ? Is it to rub it on your face ? Are numbers that only matter to me ?
No ,I know the title was very catchy and selfish but honestly for me it’s not about the numbers or likes , but the community that I have build for myself . It’s like my safe and comfort space which I am very grateful for . This post for me is on the days when I am low , questioning my self worth and battling my insecurities because i tend to do that a lot .
So I want to celebrate each and every milestone with you guys!!!
Because you are my biggest cheer leaders!
I remember journaling that nobody would like my writings but boy , you guys proved me wrong and that feeling is intoxicating and a new high for me .
So thanku ,
On a side note i read 28 books from the beginning of the year .Do you guys want book recommendations or reviews , comment down below!!!
And I know I am not active with my blog and this specific blog was written a long time ago i couldn’t post it because I am dealing with a personal loss. So i will get back to writing i promise when i feel better !!
And one of my poems got published ( REAR VIEW)
Here’s the link- https://wp.me/p6OZAy-1Q5y
Do check it out !!!



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Has reading lost its charm ?

Being in the 21st century, where everything is fast-paced, I feel like reading has been forgotten. Especially introspecting my life, I felt reading has lost its path, and what exists now is valorized reading.

Something like reading for the sake of reading

As we jump from one sensation to another, from one controversy to another, with an Instagram filter on our minds, this makes me realize that somewhere along the line I forgot to read and that a lot of other people did too.

We can blame it on our short attention span, but at the end of the day, we all reach out for something easy, short, and instrumental, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it because we live in perpetual amnesia that is triggered by the world being fast and urgent. 

The constant feeling that I will miss out is something that triggers me to take my phone almost every hour, and it’s also something that has triggered a lot of anxiety in these last couple of months.

As I wrote down my thoughts, I figured I had given up on reading and writing somewhere along the line.

And this is an attempt to get back to reading.

If you, my friend, also gave up on reading, you can start again. I’m here to accompany you.

For me, the earliest memories of reading were when I was three and on train journeys. How dad used to get me a magic pot so that I wouldn’t be an annoyance

I am still an annoyance, but my love for books is something that hasn’t left.

Being brought up in a humble household, one of the things that my parents never said no to was books. I used to demand books as presents for every exam I passed. 

I still remember borrowing books from friends and libraries and finishing them in two to three days because I loved the rush.

It came to a point where I was reading Jeffery Archer’s When the Crow Flies instead of my history books before my 10th board exams.

Do I regret it? Noooooo

The rush of having that imagination, the rush of going into a parallel universe where I portray the main character, seeing myself in situations, deciding what I would have done and what I wouldn’t, and complex storylines with spicy images keep playing in my head as a slow-motion movie. Enough that someday I could lend my brain cells to Elon Musk to make an extraordinarily brilliant movie.

All these emotions and memories are something that is beyond description.

Books have led me to a web of my past, present, and future, like an island universe that’s interlinked but not yet linked.

For me, a book does affect me; I feel pangs of grief, motivation, empathy, and all the emotions in between as the character develops. It is a small, intimate space of mine that nobody else has access to—sort of a mysterious realm.

Nothing is linear in life, and as life progresses, one of the things that I gave up was books.

Is there a specific reason? No 

But I kind of discovered recently that one of the reasons why I had given up on reading was the anxiety in choosing a book.

The fear that I would miss out on this year’s nominations, what if it isn’t good, and this eventually felt like a job, not the one I liked, Going through reviews and feeding on people’s opinions got so tedious that for me reading lost its wonder in this process.

I missed picking out random books from shelves, going with my gut, and thinking it might be a hit. Even if it wasn’t, I would at least be able to take something away.

Now, this screams of slobbishness and elitism, but it is what it is: I was consumed by valorized reading, and I started mimicking other people’s choices instead of giving in to what my heart wanted.

Now, why am I writing this? Humans as a whole are very creative animals, and creativity being the buzzword in this digital era, I wanted to start reading again , be soaked in creative juices .

And I have started again, and the feeling is amazing—not bound by social pressures but doing something from a thick desire.

I don’t want to be a person who is limited to WhatsApp archives; I want to go beyond the perfect sentences and let imagination take its toll. And for this reason, books are my comfort space.

Feel sheer joy and delight, feel uncomfortable, have butterflies in your stomach, cry, and feel all the emotions as I turn every page.

I would say you also just need to give a short

I’m not going to preach a lot, but in the end, there’s so much knowledge to consume. Take anything—a newsletter, audiobooks, nonfiction classics—to feed your soul.

To bring calmness into this fast-paced life 

To hold back and embrace emotions and to know yourself better, a book is all you need.

My current read is The ISIS Hostage by Puk Damsgard.

I’m ending this blog with a short poem I wrote on books.

“Now, it’s all being done in the past,

It’s all been written in the book,

and makes you think nothing ever lasts.

Maybe it’s something worth another look.

A string of words floats with fear.

And it encompasses all the emotions in this book.

Nothing is ever black or white.

Nothing comes easy off the hook.

I see people holding on to their past as a book.

Hating themselves more as they look”

If you have read till now, you have discovered my writing is as haphazard as it can get.

And that’s me, all over the place.

So do reach out to me and connect with me so we can share our books and recommendations and get chatty about it.


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Dear girl in pyjamas

“A smile on the lips so wide,

yet there is no twinkle in her eyes.

with darkness on her side

and no one to abide. “

I know this was the line in your 4th grade notebook where you wrote “no one.” You used to hide in libraries and indulge in fiction, creating characters and storylines that were sometimes a bit out of the ordinary for a kid. That was the time when your English teacher told you you had a way with words; it boosted your confidence, yet you felt you weren’t like the other kids. You failed to fit in, and that made you terrified. Why am I telling this to you today? To see from my pov to see how far you have come and I am so proud of you. Every time you won, you topped yourself, or someone appreciated you, you couldn’t see what others saw in you. You always strived to be the best when you were already doing well. You only wanted to be the best, but sometimes better is okay and fine. So this monologue is to remind you of the tiny things you fail to notice with respect to all your flaws, which you are obsessed with in terms of improving. I am not saying that it’s wrong, but you need to accept yourself as a total package and not certain versions of you.
 
I know the world sees you with all your imperfections and flaws and is kind of judgmental, but I love the way you are—maybe more than you can imagine. I know that to reach here was difficult and realizing that you are actually worth something has been a long route, but you have made it finally. And I’m so proud of you, bruh. The girl who loves pyjamas and is happy to be stuffed in bed with some thriller novel and a glass of black coffee can be called mundane to the world, but you are happy, and that’s what matters, isn’t it?
The way you care and are ready to bring the world down for the people whom you love is something that is small yet huge. The smile on your face and how your face lights up even with the tiniest compliments is something that catches my eye. The way you play with a street dog or a toddler, or the way you tease your friends, the way you laugh as if you have had an asthma attack, and all those facial expressions when you see the cringeworthy moments, I would say those are tiny bits of you that normal people miss. Maybe your best friend is right: you would never get a boyfriend because you hate cringy stuff, cheesy dialogues, and unnecessary gifts. But it’s okay. I know you believe in understanding, loyalty, and being with them rather than monetary items. You are hardworking and determined. Your ideologies and morals are the foundation on which so many relationships exist. The world sees you as an introvert, but only a few know the real you, and I am proud of you. You are perfect in all your imperfections.
You fail to see what your friends see in you. You are so critical of yourself that you hold yourself to the highest level of accountability, and sometimes you need to let go! Maybe sometimes you don’t need to give your 100%; your 80% is more than enough for the world. Let yourself breathe, and do not confine yourself to the dictionary of life. Don’t go by the book to live your life. The words “success” and “failure” are relative. Give yourself a break too.
You weave words in such a fashion as to form reality, portraying yourself as a wandering soul.
searching in implications, to construct a paradise of your imagination. But amidst all this, you forget that you are human too! I can write about your shortcomings, but I don’t want to, not today. Because today is about celebrating the real you, the one with imperfections and flaws, and accepting you for who you are.
So, my pyjama girl with a grumpy face, you are the best in my eyes and in the eyes of all the people who love you. Certainly you have had bitter experiences, downfalls, and days when you used to binge watch, have a book marathon, or eat like you haven’t eaten in days. But it’s okay; you have come this far, and I am sure you will survive the Rubik’s cube of life.
Your’s lovingly,
The girl who knows you in and out


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Death


I write poetry with a clear head, and my blogs are potentially written when I am vulnerable.
Now, I guess I am vulnerable and overthinking, so that definitely calls for a blog.
For me, writing as a memory is associated with my mother, because she taught me how to write, and so writing on this topic makes it even more difficult.
It took me a lot of courage to start this blog, and I am exhausted and scared to put myself out there.
The blog was an escape for me. Not to face the real world, I guess?
This whole year was excruciatingly difficult for me.
Because death came knocking on my door and it was to visit my close ones.
I wish I could romanticise death as they do in movies and books, but I can’t!
How do you deal with the anxiety and grief of such complex emotions?
Every time I thought I could pick myself up from the ashes and patch myself up, it came knocking on my door again.
Loosing people isn’t easy; you feel like it gets better every time, but boy, are you wrong.
There’s no standard equation for dealing with death.
There’s no right way to grieve. You eventually have to find peace, and sometimes the memories keep haunting you.

I had made peace with death.
Until I saw it putting claws on my mother,
That honestly scared and scarred me.
Call it a privilege, but I never thought of losing my parents. I always thought they would be there as a constant with me. Even the thought of losing them never entered my head.
And the last couple of months have been a haywire in themselves.
I can’t describe the feeling of sitting outside hospitals, talking to doctors, and having to be an adult when all I want to be is a kid.
But I knew I had to put the mask on, so I moved cities to be closer to my parents and made sure I was there for every hospital visit.
It was frightening; every test result and every diagnosis was nerve-wracking.
The number of experts we saw was insane.
But I had to pretend I was okay because someone had to be strong.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t have bad days, but I knew it would get better some day.
So I held onto that hope.
Hope has an amazing placebo effect; it makes you feel good.
But it also helps you understand what is important.
And I understood that my parents were my number one priority.
Why am I writing this at 2:30 in the night?
Because today we are back home, and my mother is okay, safe but not perfectly healthy, but I am grateful and not complaining.
I feel a lot of emotions, and the past week has been anything but turmoil.
And on those days, I am grateful for the friends I have.
I was a planner all my life, but this experience put things in perspective for me.
Why am I putting this out there? Because if someone reading this now understands the emotions that you are going through, it is pretty normal.
sadness, confusion, anger, weirdness, anxiety, feeling left out and neglected, guilt, and being overwhelmed.
I have been there, and I understand you.
Do I exactly know what you are going through? No, because every person feels it differently, but you aren’t alone.
On one side, I am eternally grateful; on the other, I am anxious too.
But I guess that’s okay.
But I have also noticed we don’t speak enough about these moments.
We don’t let the world see how vulnerable we are as people.
So let’s be compassionate about people and the times that they go through, because nobody knows what they are going through.
I know it’s a dark topic to talk about, and I will probably wake up tomorrow morning and think why did I go dark again , but I want it to be out there !!
But, I also want to celebrate the lessons that I learned through the friends that stayed with me and cheered me up.
Because I would have been a disaster if not for them.
Am I suggesting that this traumatic experience is something extraordinary?
No, because even now when I think about what I went through last month, especially last week, it was traumatising, but it did make me stronger and a bit more mature.
I also don’t know how to conclude on this because I feel like there’s no certain way to end things on topics like these.
You just have to deal with it and figure it out, and even if you do, some days are just hard..

The thoughts keep coming back and everytime it’s much scarier but I also comfort myself saying , you are strong enough to handle it. You have people to rely on and you will survive it

Just like you my friend , who is reading this

I hope you don’t go through what I went through , but I also know if you did you are strong and I am here for you….

So, here’s something I wrote during that time,

“You are like an albatross soaring the high into
Spreading happiness and wittiness spotlessly with,
The dreams of an untainted, yet childlike innocent kid at heart
The paper heart filled with art,
Full of colours , empathy and thought
A canvas to paint with so many feelings to express,
Yet when i look at you everything else seem so bland
Your light and smile hits people so hard
That you want to reciprocate
When the snowy numbness crawls on us
You are the ray of light that i turn to,
White salty tears make it’s final fall
You become my tumbler
You are the piece of my life that conceals the lifeless life ,
You are more of an anchor than a friend
To forever and always till the end “

So stay strong and lots of love,

See you in the next bloggg;!!!!


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Why did I stop writing?

This week was ideally one of my good weeks. This blog of mine took off really well, and I have you guys to thank for that!
I had started blogging years ago and earned decent money from it too,gained a massive following but then I decided to delete it one fine morning.Yes I was dumb .But something in me broke that day.I hated that piece of me , I just wanted it to be erased and just like that my blog disappeared from the face of the internet and my life.

Everything triggered it, and I couldn’t handle it. People saw me broken and had so many assumptions. Some friends of mine even called me “dark and twisted” because my poetry genre was that. One day, it was just the tip of the iceberg when a friend of mine told me that I have two completely different personalities when it comes to the friend they know and the blog they read. I was so scared of people around me having opinions that I stopped blogging . Initially , i thought I would take a week off and get back to it .But whenever I sat down to write , i could see weird gazes and interpretations of me running in their head , some even vocalising it clouding the words and my emotions and I couldn’t put anything on the paper .I was scared , scared to be not accepted . And that made me claustrophobic, my own poetry made me claustrophobic.And I decided to stop blogging.

Now that I think about it, I knew it was immature of me to do that, but that 19 year-old didn’t know any better! Even people’s compliments felt fake and a conversation starter. They assumed I was too smart, but I wasn’t. I just had some teeny tiny creative juices flowing in my overthinking brain. Sometimes, I hate myself for that because I really want to shut my brain down and give myself a break too.

But now I have regrets. I have regrets about killing my baby when it was at its highest point. Regrets of disappointing lakhs of people , regrets that maybe my old blog would have reached at a height that I could never fathom.But looking back, would I do it again? Yes . A complicated answer for a very simple question .This “yes” has so many layers attached to it. The insecurities in me wasn’t happy with the immense response that it got. Even with this blog, the views, likes, and comments all seem so surreal as I have just started. The fear of being inside that glassbox someday is something that I am constantly working on, trying to not let it tackle me down again this time.I know all this sounds like I m selfish and all I care for is numbers . Honestly, no.I’m not a number person, but I do like to be appreciated and being acknowledged for what I write. Because growing up, I wasnt. Trauma does have a boomerang effect.I guess so !! The warmth of you guys relating to it keeps my juices flowing , sparks my creative wires, keeps me going.

Why am I writing this? Because today I felt the same thing—the fear of being judged for what I write? Would I be considered “dark and twisted” or am I mature enough? The overthinking went on overdrive till I started scribbling in my diary, and I honestly realized I couldn’t change the way people look at me. Some may consider me annoying, others too intellectual, and some crazy, but the real ones know me for me. Like me for who I am—and poetry is a part of me—this chaotic mess of words ,wittiness and emotions.
And I missed blogging. Seriously, I missed writing poetry and putting it out there, and I guess it’s okay. Because this is how I am true to myself, by being the real me. It was so hard to stay away from all this for the past two years, and I also know for a fact my writing isn’t at its peak, but it’s okay because I write for myself;i m happy , in a safe space of my own as the perfect poetry for me is my own.
Why did I crib so much today? Because today I had a conversation with my friend about how he missed my poetry and our open mics. He told me he missed my writing, and that’s when I opened up to him about my fears and the cycle of thoughts that led me to that standstill. He said I was an idiot, which I agree with, but moreso, I was too scared of being overwhelmed by people’s opinions and these rationalizations of the type of person that I was just because of my poetry, as I was used to being on the sidelines. It took me a lot of time to accept the broken, unbroken me, but I’m happy. happy to be back .

It’s so easy to fall into prejudices, and I just want to tell you it’s okay. But what’s more important is to pick yourself up and surround yourself with the louder voices of empathetic people who can shut the voices in your head. Because sometimes we do make dumb decisions, but what matters is how we deal with them afterwards and the choices we make to counter them.

Is it a philosophical class ? No , but I wanted to put it out there , I am not a perfect writer , nobody is . I have made dumb decisions and it’s okay .Just write for yourself , do what makes you happy . People can create illusions but what matters is how you paint them in your head .It took me a long time to figure this out . Letting go of all this wasn’t easy but i am glad I am painting my castle on my own .I am glad to have your back because I promise to be better.
 
 
 P.s . Yes , this isn’t a typical blog format with a proper structure but Im happy with it nevertheless , the chaos in me is what comes on my blogs and thats what makes it real and me. I promise I wouldn’t leave you guys stranded this time.

Thanku for staying till the end!!!